Fart

 Me, farting: Sorry about that.

Austin: I thought it was a dog barking.

Have I told you today?

 Me: Have I told you today that I love you?

Austin: Yes.

Me: Oh. Never mind. I don’t want to overdo it.

Dying

 Me: I feel like I’m dying.

Austin: Is there anything I can do to help…speed the process along?

Eggnog

 Me, showing my tiny cup of eggnog: This galf a cup of eggnog is 180 calories.

Austin, taking the cup and drinking half: Now it’s 150 calories.

Me: Knowing you, it’s now 200 calories.

MRI

 Me: The MRI scans show my brain is normal.

Austin: Have them run it again.

Christmas Decorations

 Me: If you want to help me decorate for Christmas, you could paint this ornament.

Austin: I don’t know if I have all the colors I would need like red and yellow.

Me: We have more acrylics in the pantry. You could paint the snowman white and a little spot of yellow at the bottom like a dog walked by.

Austin: No.

Thanksgiving Dish

 Austin: Today, everyone was talking about their favorite Thanksgiving dish. I was the only one who said pumpkin pie.

Me: Mine is a bowl. Maybe the platter, but it’s more of a Christmas theme.