Puppy Pad

 Me: I assume it was Tess (the dog) who used a puppy pad last night.

Austin: I wouldn’t know. I wasn’t awake. All I know is it wasn’t me.

Have I?

 Me: have I told you how much I love you today?

Austin: No.

Me, as snow is coming down, 10 inches so far: I love you more than the snow that’s on the ground.

Austin: Don’t worry, it will melt in no time.

Free Oreos

 I haven’t played this game for a while, but some things amuse me too much. Austin and I routinely get free Oreo coupons from Kroger. And I routinely give them to the YMCA or the workers at the local post office. BUT apparently I have received a request.

Vitamins

 Me: I haven’t taken my vitamins today.

Austin: Really? Because you seem like a pill.

King & Queen of Puns

 As I’m dumping the dehumidifier reservoir, Austin: you are a queen of the seas.

Me: You are a king of disease.

Motivation

 Me: Here I thought I would be motivated to day and get a bunch of chores done. I was going to wash the dishes, but I haven’t even motivated myself to get dressed.

Austin: Guess what? You don’t have to get dressed to wash the dishes.

Hard

 Flirting at a public pool.

Me: It’s hard when I can’t get fresh with you in public.

Austin: It’s hard when you flirt with me in public.

Yeah, that’s what he meant.