Exploding Diarrhea

 Me: I had exploding diarrhea this morning. That was fun.

Austin: Well, as long as you were having fun, that’s what’s important.

Finger Wagging

 I complained to Austin because I had a couple of the people on my team come up flagged for performance, so I had to wag my finger at them ....

Austin: X doesn't appreciate how lucky she is that you work from home. 

Me, smirking.

Austin: I'm serious. Your finger wagging is dangerous. Send her a picture. You could cut her.

Cat Food

 Austin is having a harder time with Meatless March than I am. Since I'm working, he's doing all the cooking.

Austin: I haven’t made plans for dinner for the next few days.

Me: So I’m supposed to fend for myself? I’ve been killing myself between the animals and overtime.

Austin: I could open a can of cat food for you.

Me: Meatless March.

Old Falls Inn

 Driving out of Zanesville.

Austin: I don’t was to falls in. I don’t want to falls inn. [Fake screaming]

Me: What are you going on about?

Austin: We just drove past the Old Falls Inn. [He starts screaming again] I don’t want to falls in!

Me: Don’t worry, I’ll push you.

Meatless March

 While watching Apothecary Diaries.

Austin: I regret pushing you to do Meatless March.

Me: I’m fine. [For now.]

Austin: Watching MaoMao just now reminds me of how similar the two of you are. Forcing you to go vegetarian for a whole month is like forcing a cat to take a bath.

Austin and I Have Colds

 Austin: I learned—

Me: You learned?!?!

Austin: I learned that if you put Vicks VapoRub on your chest, you better wash your hands thoroughly; otherwise, next time you go to bathroom, you’re going to hurt yourself.

Ethel the Demon Cat

 My cat Ethel, who used to be over 20 lbs., fits in my slipper. Almost. Is it exercise and a new lust for life? Or something demonic? You decide.