Yoga

 So last week I loaned my car to a friend. There were a lot of headaches aligning delivery of the car and Austin picking me up. So this week, the friend arranged to return the car to me. All three of us do yoga together. Usually, Austin and I go together, then Austin goes to the steam room after and I read while I wait. But, since friend X was returning the car to me, I was going to get to drive home immediately after. I asked Austin about getting groceries, since we were driving home separately. A lot of arrangements were made. Austin was present when friend X returned my keys and said good-bye.

When I go home, my phone naturally came out of sleep mode and all of these notifications started beeping. I had 4 texts and 2 calls from Austin.

Austin: Where are you? 

Missed call from Austin.

Austin: I’ve looked everywhere for you.

Missed call from Austin.

Austin: Are you doing something with friend X?

[Ten minutes has elapsed between all these texts and calls.]

Austin: Oh yeah. Never mind. 

Salad

 Me, I don’t like avocado: I noticed that you put a big glop of avocado in my salad.

Austin: That wasn’t avocado. That was my love for you.

Me: It was green and slimy.

Austin: Exactly. That’s my love.

Big, Fat Fly

 So, there have been three big fat flies around our house just buzzing around and driving me nuts. I finally caught one in Austin‘s measuring cup that he uses to make London mules. He uses it to measure out the simple syrup, so it is filled with sugary stickiness, and a big fly was in it. I took the measuring cup and dipped it into a basin of water in the sink and held it there trying to drown the fly, but I was starting to feel guilty about murdering a fly. So I got a sponge and just smashed the fly on the side of the cup, so I was telling Austin the story…

Austin, horrified: Did you wash my measuring cup after that.

Me: Of course. You know me.

Austin: I do know you. That’s why I’m asking.

Exploding Diarrhea

 Me: I had exploding diarrhea this morning. That was fun.

Austin: Well, as long as you were having fun, that’s what’s important.

Finger Wagging

 I complained to Austin because I had a couple of the people on my team come up flagged for performance, so I had to wag my finger at them ....

Austin: X doesn't appreciate how lucky she is that you work from home. 

Me, smirking.

Austin: I'm serious. Your finger wagging is dangerous. Send her a picture. You could cut her.

Cat Food

 Austin is having a harder time with Meatless March than I am. Since I'm working, he's doing all the cooking.

Austin: I haven’t made plans for dinner for the next few days.

Me: So I’m supposed to fend for myself? I’ve been killing myself between the animals and overtime.

Austin: I could open a can of cat food for you.

Me: Meatless March.

Old Falls Inn

 Driving out of Zanesville.

Austin: I don’t was to falls in. I don’t want to falls inn. [Fake screaming]

Me: What are you going on about?

Austin: We just drove past the Old Falls Inn. [He starts screaming again] I don’t want to falls in!

Me: Don’t worry, I’ll push you.