Funeral

 Around spring time and Mother’s Day, Austin and I become more morbid than usual. My mother has been deceased for several years and Austin’s mother is elderly. So we were talking about death and dying. We went as far as talking about our funeral arrangements and what music we’d like played. Incidentally, I’d like to”So Long, Old Friend” from the Here Comes Garfield cartoon to be played. Austin wants Ashokan Farewell.

In the midst of this conversation, we got sidetracked and started talking about dick pics and how women don’t like them, but men do and why do men keep sending them when it is a fact universally acknowledged that women don’t like them.

Austin: I don’t take dick pics. And I would never send them to you. I’ve got no interest in anything like that.

Me: I seem to recall a couple of times you wanted to take some frisky bedroom videos with me.

Austin: Those have been deleted.

Me, suspiciously: Oh really?

Austin: Yeah, unless they accidentally come up in the shuffle of a funeral montage.