We went to lunch at one of our favorite Chinese restaurants with my mother.
My mother went to the bathroom.
Me, snapping my fingers: I keep forgetting to tell Mom that you and I are wearing our matching Chinese takeout underwear in honor of our lunch today.
Austin: We could just take a picture and send it to her.
Me: I want to make her sick, not kill her.
Austin’s meundies obsession:
Austin’s espresso maker box remains on the floor. The cats are enjoying it so much, we may leave it there for a while.
Austin, coming down around noon. I’ve been up since 7:00. He peeks at the empty box.
Austin, probing if we can get rid of the box yet: Have the cats gotten in the box today?
Me: Oh yes! Guppy lives in the box. She loves the box. I have taken pictures of her in the box. TODAY.
I started to leave the kitchen.
Austin, before I completely disappeared, called out: Have I told you—
Recognizing this as our ‘Have I told you enough that I love you today’ thing, I lean back and listen.
Austin: How much I love my espresso machine and milk frother?
Me: I’m sorry I came back to hear that.
Austin assumed the position, standing upright, his arms spread open. He was off to meet his brother for a beer fest. The spread arms meant he expected me to stand up and hug him. While I’m in the middle of reading Scumbag Villain for the hundredth time.
Me, grunting: Fine.
We hug. While embracing.
Austin: Fine. If I die in a car accident on my way to Dankhouse (the brewery he & his brother like), you’ll have the comfort of knowing that reading a book you’ve already read was more important.
Me: Don’t say things like that.
Austin hugged me tighter.
Me: I’ve spent too long planning the perfect murder for you to die accidentally in a car crash.
Austin & I went canoeing this morning. On our way home, we stopped at our favorite meat market and picked up a couple of NY strip steaks and a 3 pound roast. Austin then fell into bed and slept the afternoon away. At dinnertime, I nudged Austin, asked him if he was ready for steaks.
Austin, mumbling: I’m not hungry.
So I boiled a hot dog instead. Quality Nathan’s hot dog. I don’t do that cheap crap that tastes like bologna.
Austin finally gets up at 8:00.
Austin: Did you do steaks?
Me: You missed out. I ate both myself.
Austin grumbles.
Me: Actually, I invited Mom up. We ate the steaks together. We had a party and everything.
Austin: Don’t lie to me. That would be a mis-steak.
Austin is type A, just very slow and leisurely about it. I’m type B all the way. But then, this pic assumes Austin & I own a vac.
Austin loves the new milk frother. He has tried to draw heart many times to varying degrees of success.
Austin, showing me his latest effort: What about this one?
Me: Well, if you look close, you can see it.
Austin: That’s what I said when I married you.
Said heart:
Austin: This milk frother is on sale for $30!
Me: That’s too much for a milk frother.
Austin: It’s regularly $50!!!!
Me: That’s too much for a milk frother. It’s just a gadget. Do Not Get It.
Austin gets it anyway.
I used it three times in a single day.
Watching Forged in Fire Reruns. The second champions episode where Neil lost to Theo. Loved all the contestants on this episode. However, as Neil leaves, he talks about how it’s more important to have your self-respect than to win.
Austin: I don’t agree with that. I’d sell my self-respect for $10,000.
Mom: You married Rachel. You don’t have any self-respect left.
Me: So, the sugar bowl was practically empty.
Austin: Huh? I wonder how it got that way? Who could have used it all?
Me, snarling.
Austin: Must have been the ants.
Me: Here, I was expecting you to say something about deliberately letting it get empty so I could wash it again.
Austin: Nah, once every three years is plenty.
Me, washing my face. My eye starts to burn and I grope for a towel.
Me: It’s so hard for me lately to not get soap in my eyes.
Austin: Your eyes are just so beautiful, everything wants to be a part of them.
Me: Oh ^&@%
