Austin & I ate out at a little diner with disposable dinnerware. I picked up the paper plates and plastic flatware.
A fork fell on the floor, so I picked it up and slipped it in my purse. Austin gave me the stink eye.
Me: This guy didn’t want to go in the trash. He wants to come home with us.
Austin: A tool. It. Is. A. Tool.
Me: Tool. You. Are. A. Tool.
I’m making a cake for a birthday party next week. Austin suggested I buy a mix. Sometimes I love that man so much. Other times, it’s like I’m married to a stranger.
Austin and I are long overdue for a vacation and the hot tub with our lodge is working overtime.
Bubbles rise up from Austin’s swim trunks.
Austin: That’s from some oxygen that got trapped in the trunks.
Me: Sure it is.
Austin & I were enjoying some time in the hot tub relaxing.
Austin: These jets are just like a massage.
Me: I can give you a massage.
Austin swims over to my side and parks himself in front of me, so I rub his shoulders.
Austin: I know what you’re thinking. Don’t shove me underwater.
Me: I had that thought a minute ago and have already moved on.
Me: I know you don’t want any details, but I need to call my gynecologist. I’ve got a discharge and some burning down there. I’m pretty sure I know what it is, but I just want to talk to her about it.
Austin: X is a competent dentist. I bet he could spray some clean you up and spray some water and everything would be fine.
While Austin & I were out on our walk, car zipped pasted and honked at us. We both jumped, then as the car continued past, we realized it was my sister’s car. My sister is 57.
Austin: Your sister scared me.
Me: She did fly up through there pretty fast.
Austin, singing: It’s the little old lady from Pasadena.
Me: You sing that to my sister and she’ll drop you on your ass.
