Eccentric Couple

 Austin: We need to be that eccentric couple.

Me: We are.

Austin: I mean, we need to be loud about it. 

Me: You already are.

Austin: I need you to do it with me. We need to make sure everyone in the neighborhood knows.

Me: They do.

Thanksgiving Leftovers

Me: I almost made a batch of cookies, but then I remembered we still have half a pumpkin pie in the fridge.

Austin: I wouldn’t mind it.

Me: I don’t do things for you.

Weight

 Austin & I have been on a health kick since September. I’ve lost 10 pounds so far. This weekend, I put on a pound. Well, this morning, I gained another pound. And Thanksgiving…

Me: I gained another pound.

Austin: Don’t feel bad. I gained weight too.

Me: How is that supposed to make me feel better about my weight gain?

Austin: I thought my suffering would make you feel better.

Me: In general, it does, but it doesn’t help me with the pounds I’ve gained.

Cthulhumas

 This tee is perfect for Austin. (Teeturtle.com, if you’re interested.)

But Austin doesn’t want it.

Austin: I don’t like shirts you can’t wear all year round.

Me: You can wear that any time you want.

Austin: No you can’t. It’s Christmas themed.

Me: Cthulhu can have a holiday whenever he wants. Just because it has -mas on the end doesn’t make it Christmas.

Austin: Yes, it does.

Me: It’s like Michaelmas; it’s in September. Cthulhu can have a holiday whenever.

Austin: What?

Me: Michaelmas. It’s—

Austin: You made that up.

Forgetful

 Austin and I were arguing about which of us has the better memory. It’s me.

Me: Excuse me? You don’t even know when I was born.

Austin: I know when you were born.

Me: When?

Austin: It’s either January tenth or January twelveth.

Me: See?

Austin: I can remember important things.

Me: My birthday isn’t important?

Austin: It doesn’t matter if I don’t remember it. If I need to know it, I can get into your wallet and pull out your driver’s license to check the date.

Take Over

 This is what I always say when I’m going to be in the bathroom for a while, getting ready, etc.

Me: I’m going to take over the bathroom.

Austin: Don’t do a hostile takeover. Maybe peaceful negotiations will work.

Yogurt

 Austin and I have become yogurt making fiends. We use 6 oz. Evaporated milk and 36 oz. 2% milk for a batch. Usually Austin uses one of the cups to measure out the ounces. I start making a batch of yogurt. We had half a can of evaporated milk leftover, so I dumped it in. I then used the can to measure out the milk.

Austin: What are you doing!

Me: This is a 12 ounce can. Three cans will complete the batch.

Austin: That’s just craziness.