Schrödinger’s Potato Chips

 Me: You’re going to smash potato chips if you carry your bag like that.

Austin: Potato chips are more resilient than you think. As long as they’re unopened, none of them are smashed. It’s not till they’re opened that some of them are broken. Like Schrödinger ‘s cat. They are both broken and whole until you remove them from the bag.

Scrooge

 While watching Muppet’s Christmas Carol, after Scrooge becomes generous, Austin: If this happened today, he’d be diagnosed with dementia.

Cats

 Austin: Why do you have a cat ashtray?

Me: It’s a soap dish.

Containers

Me, holding half a dozen lids and takeout containers: I just cleaned out this cupboard. How do we have so many lids that don’t fit these containers?

Austin: Like us, they grow and change.

Christmas Chores

 Austin: *Listing Christmas chores* I need to start wrapping stuff.

Me: I can wrap for you.

Austin: But can you rhyme for me?

Fart

 Me, farting: Sorry about that.

Austin: I thought it was a dog barking.

Have I told you today?

 Me: Have I told you today that I love you?

Austin: Yes.

Me: Oh. Never mind. I don’t want to overdo it.

Dying

 Me: I feel like I’m dying.

Austin: Is there anything I can do to help…speed the process along?

Eggnog

 Me, showing my tiny cup of eggnog: This galf a cup of eggnog is 180 calories.

Austin, taking the cup and drinking half: Now it’s 150 calories.

Me: Knowing you, it’s now 200 calories.

MRI

 Me: The MRI scans show my brain is normal.

Austin: Have them run it again.

Post-Holiday Blues

 Me: I’m bored and restless. I’m not sure what I’m going to do today.

Austin: I’ve got delicates that need washed. And you could also wash the dishes.