Sharp

 Me: I hope my mind is as sharp as my mother's was when I'm her age.

Austin: Your tongue is as sharp as hers was now. Your mind is already gone.

Onions

 Austin: I read that if you don’t wanna cry while chopping onions just cut off the top and put it in the microwave for 30 seconds, then you won’t cry. 

Me: That just makes my job harder.

Over 45

 Me: I have a ton of work to get done, but I’m not allowed to go over 45 for the week.

Austin: You’ve been over 45 for years now.

So I punched him.

Hey

 Austin: Hey, Gorgeous.

Me: Hey Handsome.
Austin just stares silently a minute.
Me: I’m just trying to see if I can get anything out of you.

Depressed

Me;  I’m depressed this morning. Everything is depressing.

Austin: It’s a good thing you have a wonderful, amazing husband, who’s handsome and supportive to get you through these times.
Me: Who is funny and makes me laugh.

Hear Gorgeousness

 As Austin came down the stairs, me: I hear gorgeousness.

Austin, smirking.

Me: I wonder where it’s coming from.

Land or Sea Animals

This was a poll on our Alexa a few days ago.

Austin: Land animals, of course.

Me: What about octopuses or cuttle fish?

Austin: I like them too, but that’s nothing compared to dogs and cats and birds and elephants and . . . You go to the zoo to see animals, not fish. 

Me making a comment about aquariums.

Austin: Don’t forget theLittle Mermaid. Even Ariel wanted legs so she could be on land.