Grocery Grab Bag

 

Grocery list guessing game. Is it Bulk? Is it Pulle?

No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s Milk.

Trauma

 The death of a parent goes on and on and that is completely true in my case. I’m still missing my mother and wishing she was still with me.

Me: Friend X said that I’ve been traumatized.

Austin grunted.

Me: You think I’ve been traumatized?

Austin: I think you are. I think a lot of things cause traumas. I just always associate trauma with marriage.

Cleaning

 I’ve been cleaning Mom’s house, getting rid of appliances, etc. Austin hates our toaster and has been wanting a new one for months. 

Me: I was going to give you Mom’s toaster, but it turns out that it doesn’t work.

Austin: That’s all right. I don’t want a toaster as a gift. I have the perfect toaster in my head.

Me: Is that why you don’t have a brain?

Secrets at the Morgue

 Watching the episode about Bunchee Nyhuis’s murder.

Me, pointing at the screen: Take notes. This is a good way to commit murder.

Austin: I’m not taking notes. He got caught.

Just a Cute Meme

 

Murder Porn, Part Two

 As the show progressed, it turned out the murder plot was hatched because the husband was having an affair and the husband and his girlfriend hatched a plan to murder their current spouses. They then married each other.

Me: Ouch! Awkward! My current husband has his name engraved on his deceased wife’s tombstone. I’d want my current husband buried next to me. Not buried next to his deceased wife.

Austin: Well, you could just cremate me. Sprinkle half of my remains next to you and half next to my new wife. Hell, I could get married a dozen times, sprinkle my body everywhere.

Me: Like allspice…

Murder Porn

 Austin and I discovered a new (to us) true crime show, Mysteries at the Morgue. We were watching the episode where a wife, Sharon Williams, was murdered by her husband. They kept flashing to her tombstone. With her murderer husband’s name also engraved on the stone.

Me: If I was murdered by my husband, I wouldn’t want to be buried next to him. I certainly wouldn’t want to have his name etched on the tombstone next to mine.

Austin, maniacal laughter.

Heavy Lifting

 Due to the level of flea infestation, I ordered a hazmat suit for when I work on Mom’s house. I asked a friend to help me and offered to buy a hazmat suit for her too. She said no.

Austin: I want one. Get me a hazmat suit.

Me: You’re going to help us work on Mom’s house?

Austin: Yeah. I’ll be there for the heavy lifting.

Me: Oh, don’t or I’ll die of laughter.

Puppy Pads

 The new dogs are not completely house broken. They may have been at one time, but Mom did a lot and she was busy. She was getting old and she would be tired and didn’t feel like taking them out. So Austin and I are going through puppy pads like chocolate, but not in a good way. We used a box of 100 puppy pads in a single week.

Me: We didn’t have any accidents last night.

Austin: It’s because I duct taped the girls’ rectums.

New Dogs

 Having Mom gone is… stressful. I’ve taken in her dogs, Sarah and Tess. A minpin and a manchester terrier respectively. We’re not sure how old they are, but Sarah is at least 15 and Tess is between 12 and 15. Sarah is blind and she has a growth hanging from her rear.

Friend X: Is that a tumor?

Austin: No, it’s a purse.

The growth is circled in red.