Card

 I gave Austin his birthday card.

Austin, opening it: I wonder what it could be?

Me, recalling birthday cards past: A coaster.

Apple TV

 Austin has wanted an Apple TV for months and months now. We have one in the living room. He loves it. I told him he could have it and I’ll get a Firestick. No, it’s fine. He wants the Apple TV in the living room. A few months have gone by. 

Austin: My Firestick has died.

I check Amazon. A new Firestick is $19.99. 

Austin: I want an Apple TV.

I suggest again that he take the one in the living room.

Austin: I really want an Apple TV.

There’s a glow in his eyes.

Me: Then get one.

Austin: I’m trying to save money.

Apple TVs cost $129.99. This is just a box that you attach to your TV. It’s not an actual TV.

Austin: Today is my birthday. Will you get me one?

Isn’t that convenient.

Do Bees Newbies

 It was Austin’s turn to pick underwear.

Austin: let’s do the bees.

Me: We were going to wear them for four-twenty day.

Austin: you and your crazy planning ahead.

OUR Yogurt

 I was making yogurt this morning and one of the ingredients in yogurt is…yogurt. So I set it on the counter. I was doing some other things, waiting for the base to come to temp and…Austin is hanging around the kitchen.

Me: Where’s my yogurt. [I spot Austin] Did you put away my yogurt?

I go to the  fridge, don’t even wait for the answer.

Austin: Yes. And it’s OUR yogurt.

I glare at him.

Austin: Sort of like it’s our house until you’re mad at me.

 While listening to a radio ad about injury at work and hiring lawyer.

Austin, who works from home: What about if my wife beats me up while I’m working? I want compensation for that.

 I asked Austin if I could have these blankets.

Austin: No.

Me: But my name is on them.

Cremation

 Austin: I decided to try the mustard sauce. I figure it’s better for you, though none of this is good for you. But my body won’t weigh as much in the casket. That will make it easier for you to carry.

Me: I’m not carrying your coffin. In fact, you better not die for me.

Austin: I’m just talking hypothetically.

Me: Good. But if you die before me, there won’t be a casket. I’ll have you cremated.

Austin: Not until a full autopsy is done.

Dishes

 Austin and I were arguing about what dishes to get rid of and not having enough space in our cupboards. Like the vitamin thing.

Me, pointing out some nesting soup bowls: Well, we can move these bowls down here. The other ones are different shapes, so they don't stack as easily.

Austin: Yeah.

Me: Now, if we could get rid of these dopey little bowls, the plates would stack nicely.

Austin: I like those dopey little bowls. You aren't really suggesting I use normal bowls like a NeanderTHall.

Me: It's pronounced NeanderTALL.