Yosemite Sam

 Me: Thank you for a lovely afternoon. I cannot imagine anyone I’d rather spend it with.

Austin: I don’t know about that. You’ve got a a pretty good imagination. You could imagine lunch with the Grinch, Mr. T, Yosemite Sam.

 Once again, Austin’s Nespresso machine is acting up. We’re going to camp out with a bunch of artists and sci-fi/fantasy writers tonight.

Me: Well, maybe we can get all the hippies to dance around the campfire and call out to the pagan gods to resurrect your machine.

Walmart

 Me: Have I told you how much i love you , how much I appreciate you and glad I am that you’re my husband?

Austin : Don’t try buttering me up. You’re going into Walmart with me.

Internet

 Our Internet went out this morning, and still is out…

Austin: You’re doing laundry? The internet is out. How are you doing that?

Me, gives the look. 

Austin : And you’re cooking? What kind of witchcraft is this?

Stale Oreos

 We have stale Oreos , so I read these suggestions to Austin.

Austin : I was going to take the Oreos apart, take the cream out, use a blow dryer on the cookies, then put the Oreos back together.

I Love You So Much

 Me: You make me so happy. I must must have been so mean and angry before I met you.

Austin: You’re still mean and angry.

Me: I love you so much.

Chocolate Extravaganza

 Me: We have had piles of exotic chocolate in our cupboard for ten days and we still haven’t touched it.

Austin: So?

Me: So, I can only resist temptation for so long. The chocolate is whispering to me. “Rachel, come eat me. Rachel, you paid for me. You are justified eating all you want.”

Austin: That’s not the chocolate talking to you. That’s a tumor.

Dinner

 Me: Do you have DnD tonight?

Austin: No.

Me: Oh. I didn't pull anything down for dinner. But you get off two hours early, so you can make dinner tonight.

Austin: I'm fine with fending for ourselves. We've got plenty of food in the fridge. We could have that turkey thing, the roll.
Me: The vegetarian turducken?
Austin: Yeah. I thought I'd release it in the backyard and shoot it with my gun and reaffirm my manhood.