Austin and I went out to eat at a hotpot restaurant and had broth left. I was going to eat my leftovers for breakfast and pulled out both packages.
Me: Wow, look at how much fat is in yours compared to mine.
Austin: I think there was a potato left in mine.
Austin looks.
Austin: Oh, yeah. You’re right.
Me: I want one of these with a candle on top for my birthday.
Austin: Okay, but I don’t know if I can fit 50 candles on there.
*I’m not 50.
Austin & I were late getting home from the gym last night (yes, we both go to the gym). We completely forgot about the batch of yogurt on the counter.
Me, this morning, gasping. I collect the yogurt and put it in the fridge. Then I go to my iPad and check how long it’s safe to leave yogurt out.
Two hours.
Me: Oh well. Austin is the one who eats it.
Me: I donated the Asian print with flowers and the characters for wisdom to the Y rummage sale. The purple clashes with our walls and there’s really no other place to hang it. I suppose we could hang it in the kitchen, but nothing resembling wisdom happens in there.
Austin: Oh I don’t know. Sometimes I cook.
Because Austin and I don’t have enough shenanigans in our house. I got this from a meme.
Austin: Why does our milk look so angry?
Me: I think it’s going bad.
Me: They are starting girls so early with needing a man. ‘You need a man.’
Friend X: I don’t need a man.
Me: I don’t need a man. That’s why I married Austin.
Me: The Google Assistant is definitely dead. I’ve tried unplugging and resetting it several times. I figured we should throw it out unless it can be recycled.
Austin: I thought we would bury it. [He’s getting teary eyed now] In the backyard. *Sniffles* By the tree.
Me: Next to Sarah?
Austin, little nod.
Me, scowl on my face: They’re edible, but I wouldn’t make them again. They’re not sweet. There’s just something wrong with them. When X shared the recipe, one of his friends said, ‘Yuck! These things are awful.’
Austin, digging in. I tried to stop him, but I also wanted to know what he thought. His face squished up.
Me: I’m sorry. I don’t know what went wrong. I almost followed the recipe.
Me: My candy was scanned in New Jersey on December thirty first and hasn’t moved since.
Austin: Someone ate it.
Our Google Assistant is dead, so we moved our Alexa.
Austin: Hey Alexa, how do you like your new home in the kitchen?
We need a life...
