Gardening

 

I love you

 Me: I love you.

Austin: I tolerate you.

Tomato Plants

 Austin: My tomato plants are so big! They’re out growing the hydroponics system. Soon they’ll have flowers.

Me: Flowers? We’ll need bees to pollinate them.

Austin: I’m going to do it myself.

Face palm.

Austin: Actually, what you do is put fans on them and it causes the pollen to get in the air and blow around.

Me: Then we don’t need bees at all. Don’t let the save the bees people find out.

First Time Gardener

Austin: I’m amazed by my plants. The cucumbers smell like cucumbers. The tomatoes smell like tomatoes.

Austin and I lock eyes.

Together: and the snozzberries smell like snozzberries!

Gardening

Austin: I love my hoe. This hoe was so cheap. I have the best hoe. I worked this hoe so hard. I hope I don’t break my hoe.

Doctor Time

 Me: I’m not looking forward to seeing the doctor. I need a mammogram and I need to get my cholesterol checked.

Austin: Yeah, me too. He’ll probably want to his finger up my butt. 

Me: Just be sure to clean out back there. Use your toothbrush.

Austin: I’ll use yours.

Happy Mother’s Day

 I preheated the oven. Austin was having some yogurt. Yes, I know it’s Mother’s Day, but all my children are fur babies. I pulled out a hashbrown.

Austin: Could you make me one too?

Me: I seem to recall someone saying they were going to get up early and they were going to make me breakfast in bed.

Austin: The cats kept me up late last night.

Happy Anniversary

 Our 17 year dating anniversary is next Monday.

Me: Seventeen years. Seventeen years next Monday, bub. Can you believe it?

Austin: Yeah.

Me: That’s almost half your life.

Austin: Sometimes it feels longer.

Me: I love you.

Compost

 Me: I’m dying.

Austin: If you are, go lay down. Like in the garden bed.

Me: So you can turn me into compost?

Austin: Yeah. I just got that eight foot garden bed, so you’ll fit.