S'mores Accident

 Me: I’ve got chocolate on my pants.

Austin: It’s fine. I’m sure it will wash out.

Me: Chocolate belongs in my mouth, not on my pants.

While on a Wooden Bridge...

 Austin: This bridge smells good. Is that weird to say? This bridge has wood for me.

Blond Moment

 Austin couldn’t get the grill to work.

Austin: I’m going to try again and make sure I’m not having a blond moment. After 12 years of marriage, I’m used to feeling stupid.

Me: Then I’ve done my job.

Ghosts

 The cabin was making noise.

Me: It’s haunted.

Austin: It’s probably the wood adjusting to the temperature change.

Me: Yeah, that’s more realistic than a teenager getting drunk and drowning in the hot tub, then becoming a ghost obsessed with s’mores.

Terrible Puns

Me: I’m glad I brought a roll of Charmin. At first, I was using theirs, but the off-brand toilet paper really chafes after a use or two.

Austin: Their toilet paper is crap.

Day One of Vaca

 Me: I can’t wait to get to the cabin. I’m going to stuff my face with all the stuff we bought from Alfonzo’s.

Austin: I can’t wait to turn on Murder, She Wrote.

Lamps

 Austin: Both lamps in the living room are getting old. The black one needs pliers to turn it on and off and the switch on the other one doesn’t work anymore.

Me, placing a hand on Austin’s back: I like to use things till they die.

Austin: I don’t like the ominous way you said that.

Drag People Into The Street

 Me: People who think you can make a proper s’more in a microwave should be dragged out into the street and shot.

Austin: I think you just want an excuse to drag people out into the street and shoot them.

Moldy Pita

 Austin: Oh no! This pita has mold on it!

Me: I imagine it’s like anything; it gets old.

Austin: You don’t have mold on you.

Pink & Swollen

 I fell on the ice.

Me: My knee is pink and swollen.

Austin: My belly is pink and swollen.

Love Language

 Austin: Have I told you how lucky I am to have you and how happy you’ve made me lately?

Me: Not lately. You did threaten to kill me and dump my body in a ditch last night.

Austin: That’s my love language and you know it.

Winter Weather

 We’ve got a major weather advisory for our area.

Austin, as we’re driving home: I’m worried about driving to and from DnD tomorrow night. But then, I’ve driven in worse.

Me: Yeah, but now you’re over forty.

Austin: Don’t make me pull this car over. It’s after dark. No one will find your body for days.

Fat Cardinal

 Me: Wow, that is one fat cardinal.

Austin: It’s winter. It needs the extra weight to keep it warm. Besides, the camera adds 10 pounds. When you figure how much a cardinal weighs, that 10 pounds adds a lot.

Post-Holiday Blues

 Me: I’m bored and restless. I’m not sure what I’m going to do today.

Austin: I’ve got delicates that need washed. And you could also wash the dishes.