Austin and I Have Colds

 Austin: I learned—

Me: You learned?!?!

Austin: I learned that if you put Vicks VapoRub on your chest, you better wash your hands thoroughly; otherwise, next time you go to bathroom, you’re going to hurt yourself.

Ethel the Demon Cat

 My cat Ethel, who used to be over 20 lbs., fits in my slipper. Almost. Is it exercise and a new lust for life? Or something demonic? You decide.

Hard

 I think Austin wanted to tell me something last night.

Yoga

 Me: Next weekend is Valentine’s Day. Do you still want to sign up for yoga?

Austin: Sure. Maybe they’ll have hot naked couples yoga.

Puppy Pad

 Me: I assume it was Tess (the dog) who used a puppy pad last night.

Austin: I wouldn’t know. I wasn’t awake. All I know is it wasn’t me.