Libido

I was reading an article off the internet.

Me: It says that after a hysterectomy, my libido will increase. You can't keep up with my libido now.
Austin: Who knows. Maybe sex without a condom will be so amazing that my libido will increase sexponentially. 

Cue me rolling eyes.

I'm Normal!

Austin's had a sinus infect for the past week.

Austin: I feel pretty good right now. I’m actually pretty close to back to normal.
Me: You’re not normal.
Austin, snatching me up in his arms: I’m normal! I’m normal!

Roswell

Me: They keep showing advertisements for the new Roswell. It actually looks pretty good.
Austin: That’s good. I never watched the original Roswell.
Me: I did. I liked it. I may not like the new Roswell because I liked the original so much. I hope I like it.
Austin: Well, you know what they say. All's well that’s Roswell.

Fortune Cookie

Poor Austin. He even loses when it comes to fortune cookies. Even greater irony, he opened this on our six year wedding anniversary.

Austin, showing me his fortune: Look.
Me: Sucks being you.

Christmas Gift 2018

Got this for Austin for Christmas. It should be here next week. I think... Only a few weeks late.

Bookshelves

Austin wants to hang shelves on the walls for my books and get rid of all the bookshelves. While I got rid of 25% of my books recently, I still have thousands (not joking) left.
Me: I just don’t think it’s realistic that wall shelves will handle my collection.
Austin: It’s fine. We just have to put the shelves in the studs.
Me: I don’t see it happening.
Austin: All we have to do is find the studs.
Me, staring blankly at the wall.
Austin: I said we just have to find some studs in this house.
Me: I heard you. It’s too easy.

Tomatoes

Austin: It's a little thing. I'm being picky. But since you have to make a special trip for fresh basil anyway, would you get cherry tomatoes?

Me: I just bought Roma tomatoes.

Austin: I know. I like cherry tomatoes better.

Me: There's a pound, untouched, sitting in the kitchen.

Austin: I like cherry tomatoes better.

Later:

Austin talking about being a millennial and how spoiled he is.

Me: Like wanting grape tomatoes when we have Roma tomatoes?

Austin: Cherry tomatoes.