Google Assistant

Me: Hey Google, if 3 over 5 equals X over 9, what is X.
Google: I'm sorry, but I can't do that.
Me: Hey, Google, divide 9 by 5.
Google: 1.8.
Me: Hey Google, multiply 3 by 1.8.
Google: 5.4.
Me: You're like talking to Austin sometimes.

Bedroom Latches

We don’t allow the animals in our bedrooms. I was doing laundry this morning. Austin had left a load of whites in the dryer. I took the basket up to his room, but he’d latched the door to keep the cats out. Of course, I knocked till he opened up.
Me: We’ve got to find a way for you to latch your door so that Mouse can’t get in, but I can.
Austin: I don’t really want you in here either.

Close Enough

Giving Austin a big hug before toddling off to bed.
Me, muffed into his shoulder: You’re wonderful.
Austin: Did you just say I was awful?
Me: Close enough.

A Walk

Austin: Want to go for a walk?
Me: Sure. I’ve got to put on my shoes.
Austin: I’ve got to put on some pants.
Me: Nah. Give the neighbors a thrill.

New Oven

For Christmas, Austin & I bought a new oven together. Austin put some fake-bakes into it, to christen it. The odor was overwhelming.
Austin: The manual said the oven would smell of chemicals the first time we use it. It will cause the cookies to mutate and become evil. If you eat them, your insides will ooze out of your ears and your brain will implode.
Me: I’ll take that risk.

Post-Christmas Clean-Up

Austin: Have I told you today that I love you?
Me: You could show me by helping me pick up all these boxes and putting away the Christmas stuff.
Austin: Nah. I’ll just say it.

Seis Manos

Austin was explaining Seis Manos to me.
Me: You’re telling me this like I care. To me, this is like your anime crap.
Austin: This is anime.
Me, stunned a moment: It’s anime, but set in Mexico? I’ve never heard of an anime set in Mexico.
Austin: It’s a Netflix original anime.
Me: Hmmm. I don’t consider that a real Japanese anime.
Austin: It’s not a real Japanese anime. Anime is just a style of animation. Japanese anime are either for adults or children. I don’t like real Japanese anime. I’ve seen all the ones that I like. This one is new. I haven’t decided if I like this one or not. But it has blood, and murder, and drugs, all the stuff I like in my cartoons.