Austin and I have a policy that we don’t kill invading insects, spiders, etc. We put them outside when possible.
Me: I just killed an ant. I couldn’t get around it.
Austin: Well, it sounds like it was a crime of passion. As long as you didn’t leave any fiber or DNA evidence, you should be fine.
Austin, picking up a couple of bags of chips on clearance: These chips are such a great price, I can’t pass them up. But DnD keeps getting cancelled. I can’t eat two bags of chips by myself, but it nags at me.
Me: Like you married them?
Austin: We need to use these noodles. But I also feel like noodles never go bad. I also have those udon noodles. I can’t wait to experiment with them.
Me: I don’t like udon noodles.
Austin: I love them. I’m surprised you don’t.
Me: I don’t like thick noodles.
Austin: I’m a thick noodle.
Me: You’re a wet noodle.
One of our former co-workers died recently.
Me, hugging Austin: I don’t want you to die until after I’m already gone.
Austin: Then you want me to be alone.
Me: No. I want you to die shortly after me.
Austin: I’ll be ripped apart by wolves.
Me: Then you can be with me. And Mom will be there.
Austin: I don’t know about that. If I’m ripped apart by wolves, I might not look that great.
Me: You don’t look that great now.
Austin: Thanks. I hope you die of explosive diarrhea.
Austin: I have a new idea for an invention. An ice cube tray that makes ice cubes that fit into a water bottle.
Me: That already exists.
Austin: It's my idea now.
A game we haven’t played for a long time, what’s that word on the grocery list?
Dexewl? Doyewl? Some combination of the two?
There’s a hint above.
Nyquil.
Ah! Dayquil.
