Bad Math

Austin: Do you know how much I love you?

Me: I hope it's at least half as much I love you.

Austin: It's three-quarters as much.

Me, giggling.

Austin: No, five-eighths as much.

More giggling, then a long hug and contentment, the silent joy of being happy.

Austin: Wait, it's three-quarters as much. Three-quarters is more than five-eighths.

Me: Yes, it is.

Austin: I love you three-quarters as much.

Me: And I still love you.

Austin: Even though I can't do fractions?

Me: Even though you can't do fractions.

My Nephew

Mom was telling me how frustrating my nephew Z has been lately. He's fresh out of college and getting work has been stressful. She usually adores my nephew, but she was going on and on and on about how difficult he's been.

I told her Austin & I were going to La Chatelain & CAM International and invited her to come along. She said she'd be going out with Z.

Me: Enjoy yourself. And don't hit Z if you get frustrated.

Austin: Hit him. He's an adult. He can take it.

Boar Repellent

Mom & I went out together and Mom was checking out the gardening supplies. She was reading the repellent bottles, rabbit and deer, all kinds of bugs.

Mom: This one says boar repellent. Tell Austin to straighten up or I'll see if this works on him.

Vosges Haut Chocolat

This morning, I was eating the remains of the Vosges Haut Chocolat Mo's Bacon Bar and there were two squares left. I ate one square and considered giving the last square to Austin. Well, any time I've offered Austin chocolate for breakfast, he's refused and said it's too early for chocolate.

As if!

But then I thought, I could leave him the last square and he could have it when he got home from work. Then I thought of his lack of sympathy when I was telling him about the tax letter and I popped the last square into my mouth. Then he came into the kitchen and I told him what I'd done.

Austin: I'm still not sorry.

Taxes--So Over It

So I had a few issues with Ohio taxes when I was submitting them in February and Austin & I got better refunds filing separately than together . . . so when Mom texted me to tell me I got a letter from the Ohio Tax Department, I flipped. I mean, tax time was way over. I couldn't hardly leave work, but it was on my mind the rest of the day. My head was spinning.

Finally got home, took a deep breath and opened it.

The State owes me a 93¢.

So I was telling Austin all this, about the heart attack I was having over it.
Austin: You were upset. OK. Get to the point.
I fluttered my eyelashes at him.
Austin: Obviously, you got upset and then you opened the letter and it was nothing. So get to the point.

I don't know why I talk to this man at all.

Elephant Skin

Austin has a leather jacket that's probably 15 years old and it's really in bad shape. He was wearing it and caressing it fondly.

Austin: I really love this jacket. I mean, I loved it for years, but I need a new one. This one just doesn't feel like me anymore.

So I touch the jacket, then I touch his skin.

Me: You're right. You don't feel like that jacket at all.

Austin: Yeah, it kind of feels like elephant skin now. Sort of like your mom.

I start rolling laughing.

Austin: Don't tell your mom I said that.

Me: I won't tell her. I'll just let her read it on Facebook.

Austin: Don't put it on Facebook either.

So this one isn't on FB.

Ice Cream

Austin & I went for a walk because it was so beautiful yesterday, but after, we were both terribly hot, so we decided to go get ice cream.

Me: Want to invite Mom along?

Austin: I don't care. It's up to you.

Me: I bet we can wrangle her into paying for it.

We agreed that Mom would enjoy ice cream and decided to invite her. I called her on my cell phone. Well, Mom wasn't interested in going. But we had some things to discuss, like our France trip and season tickets for next year. I signaled Austin that she wasn't going, we went to his car and started on our way & Mom & I continued discussing various plans we had.

Mom: Well, ice cream would be nice on a day like today.

Me: Well, it's too late. We're already on our way. We're probably halfway to the shop now. You're not going.

Austin: Can we still get her to pay?