AI Alexa

 Alexa: Why did the zero start dating?

Answer: It wanted to find the one.

Alexa: Do you want to hear a joke about love?

Me: No thanks, Alexa. I’m already married.

Oatmeal

 While I was waiting for my veggie meatballs to finish cooking,

Austin: You can have some of my oatmeal. It’s really good …

Me: I love it when you say things like that with a straight face.

Austin: For you.

Austin in Love

 Austin is in love with Jasmine Crockett, Texas Representative and I recently mentioned seeing her.

Me: I know you’re in love with her and want to marry her.

Austin: Not marry her. In love yes, but she’s a politician. She’d be away all the time and she’s brilliant. She’d make me feel stupid every day.

Me: I don’t do that? I’m not doing my job.

Austin: Nope, it’s more like every other day with you.

Hiding

 Austin was hiding behind the curtain. I could see his feet and the curtain ruffled as he moved. Suddenly, he jumped out at me and roared and I screamed. 

Me: Eventually I’ll get used to your face.

Nespresso

 Austin: I think I’m gonna need to get a new Nespresso machine. I really miss my coffee.

Me: You know the machine will only last for maybe a year. And then you’ll have to get another one and you’re going to fuss the whole time.

Austin: I’m not really going to get another one. I just wanted to see if I could make you think I was crazy.

Me: you don’t need to buy a new Nespresso machine to make me think you’re crazy. 

Competitive Edge

 Austin and I jogged across a street, then Austin burst into a sprint.

Austin: Let’s race. I’ll beat you with my competitive edge.

Me: Your competitive edge is as sharp as a butter knife.

Sharp

 Me: I hope my mind is as sharp as my mother's was when I'm her age.

Austin: Your tongue is as sharp as hers was now. Your mind is already gone.