Cooks Vs. Cons

 Austin: New drinking game. Ever time a judge on Cooks vs. Cons says, “That’s a pro move,” you have to take a drink.

Bacon Bits Con’t

 Me: Have I told you enough today that I love you?

Austin, shrugging: Eh.

Me: Well, I want you to know, just in case I die from eating raw bacon bits, that I love you.

Bacon Bits

 We keep raw bacon bits in the freezer. I happen to love bacon, so I never buy it, but bacon bits, I can eat a handful of those now and then without too many repercussions.

Austin: Don’t eat raw bacon bits out of the freezer! We have nuts, chocolate, all kinds of things in the snack cupboard. 

Me: Oh my goodness. I never guessed my husband was going to give me grief  for eating bacon bits.

Austin: I’m not giving you grief for eating bacon bits. I’m giving you grief for eating raw bacon bits. I’ve told you before that they’re raw and need cooked before consuming.

Me: So, are you going to go off on me for eating raw cookie dough?

Austin: No. The only problem with raw cookie dough is eggs. Minuscule amount of egg. Bacon is pork. You shouldn’t eat raw pork.

Me: Well, I’m make sure I won’t let you catch me eating raw bacon bits again. 

Dinner

 Austin made dinner, chicken and quinoa.

Austin: You shouldn’t need a knife.

Me, grabbing a knife from the butcher block: I don’t trust you.

Austin: Then you should carry a knife with you all the time.

Lent

Austin said that was a good thing, since you can’t get people from the butcher anymore.

Self-Love

 I was browsing the Vosges Haut Chocolat Website.

Austin: See anything on there that you want for Valentine’s Day?

Me, looking at the Bastet Collection: I was looking at this one for $160.

Austin: Ouch. That’s why they’re advertising “Self-Love”, because you’re going to have to buy that yourself.

Time

I have spent all morning doing taxes.

Austin insists it’s still morning.

I’m sure it’s actually 2:00.

The clock is a liar.

A Thinking Man

 Austin: I’m so shocked by poor quality chocolate. I just can’t stand Kit-Kats and Hershey’s anymore. I use to love them. 

Me: I know. John gave me Kit-Kats and Reese’s all the time this past Christmas and I just didn’t have the heart to tell him it was poor quality chocolate. I couldn’t even post comments on FB about it, because it would have hurt his feelings.

Austin: It’s the thought that counts.

Me: I will never discourage a man from thinking.

Burying

 So, the hubs brought up a morbid subject. Stick with it. There is a punchline.

We’ve got close to a foot of snow right now. I haven’t been able to compost this month.

Austin: If Cassie died right now, since she’s a big dog and we wouldn’t be able to bury her, what would you do with her.

Me, really disgusted by the subject: Well, I had a cat that died in the winter in the past. I put her in a plastic bag, hid her in the bushes, then buried the whole bag when the ground was thawed. I’d probably do something similar with Cassie. Wrap her in a blanket, hide her body so the neighbors wouldn’t see, then bury it after the ground thaws.

Austin: That makes me sad.

Me: I don’t like thinking about it either. But I’ve buried my share of cats. I’m fairly sure I can handle burying a dog.

Austin: I’ve buried a dog.

After a moment of silence, Austin: I’m working my way up to people.