The Wonderful Wizard of…

 Austin: I’m off.

Me: To see the wizard?

Austin: I wish. Maybe he could give me a brain and a heart.

Me: A brain for you and a heart for me?

Austin: Yeah, and a way to my real home.

Still Freezing

 Me, bundled in layers: The furnace is running constantly and it’s still only 67 degrees in the house. At least, the thermometer says it’s 67. Undoubtedly it’s colder in some places.

Austin: Like around your heart.

Merry Christmas

 So I’ve been working six weeks straight without a break. I’ve put off doing laundry, so…

For anyone who doesn’t know, my bedtime is 9:00.

Austin, presenting a Milka chocolate bar: I thought we would enjoy it together.

Me: I need to get a shower and get to bed.

Austin: But chocolate.

Me: I’ll have one piece quickly.

Austin: But chocolate is something to be enjoyed and savored.

Me: Austin, I’m tired. I’ve been doing laundry all day. I have done almost twelve loads of laundry today. I’ve successfully completed 10 loads.

Austin, singing: Ten loads of laundry, nine separate piles, eight bottles of detergent.

Then he couldn’t continue anymore because he was laughing so hard. Just a minute ago, I heard him laughing again. Clearly I married a comedian.

Frozen

 Me: The storm door is frozen shut.

A little bit later, Austin: I got the door open.

Me: Thanks.

Austin: Just be careful, because there’s glass everywhere.

He's a Prince

 Me: I need to potty.

Austin: Like it’s 1999?

Have I Told You Today?

 Me: Have I told you today that I love you?

Austin: You’ve shown me.

Me: I don’t recall anything. What have I done to show you?

Austin: I’ve learned the right things to say. It’s training.