What To Wear

 I’ve been hounding Austin about time and place for our lunch with friends for a couple of days.

Me: Has there been any updates on where we’re eating today?

Austin: I’ll let you know when I know. 

Me: Well, I’m ready to get dressed and wanted to know.

Austin: X and Y sleep later than we do. It’s Sunday, sleep in day. And it takes 45 minutes for us to get to Z. They may text us while we’re driving.

Me: But I want to know which T-shirt I should wear. I can take a spare—

Austin started laughing so hard that I stopped.

The Man in the Mirror

 Me: When I looked into the mirror, I noticed how flabby my arms are. They’re  old lady arms.

Austin: When I looked into the mirror, I said, “Hey, [smiling and winking], who are you?”

Me: That’s Alzheimers.

Take-Out

 Austin didn’t want to get dressed to get food, so I offered to pick it up if he placed the order. Austin dug through his wallet and gave me his credit card for our joint account.

Me: I have my own, thanks.

Austin laughs all embarrassed.

Me: I’m going to take your car.

Austin dug through his bag and held out his keys.

Me: Seriously?

Holiday Grab Bag

 Austin and I were doing some Christmas shopping and Austin decided he wanted to get some Christmas crackers. I told him to get the six pack and he suggested getting the 12 pack.

Austin: we want to make sure we have enough for everybody.

Me: there is only going to be five of us.

Austin: you said there would be 12 people. 

Me, yelling likes he’s stupid: that’s for Halloween! 

Austin started laughing and I rolled my eyes. 

More T-Shirts

Me, still shopping the T-shirt sale, but down to $150 in my cart: I don’t really like this one; it’s cute and I like the color, but it’s not really me.

Austin , pointing out a different shirt: You could get rid of this one. You’ve got a ton of Halloween shirts and the holiday is over. 

Me: But I don’t have a month’s worth. I only have a week’s worth, so I can buy more of those.

T-Shirts

 Me, with a shopping bag full of $200 in sale T-shirts: I don’t need 20 T-shirts. I can get rid of this one that is the shiba ramen noodles stand and this one that’s the kitties cuddling in a heart shape. And I probably could get rid of the spicy dragon one, but I’m not sure.

Austin: You’ve already got a ton of shirts for eating at Chinese restaurants. You don’t need the boba cat. You’ve already got another one like it.

Me: That one is for Halloween. This one is for all seasons.

Austin, smacking his head: If you want to get it, get it, but I already know that you’re going to come to me with a dozen shirts and ask me which one you should wear to X, when what I really should have done is tell you to take it out of your shopping bag.

Butt Cream

 Austin: I got some butt cream to help firm up my butt. I figure I sit all day while I’m working, so I can claim it as a health expense and pay for it with my HSA.

Facials and Stuff

 Austin was showing me all facial masks and moisturizers he bought from Temu and comparing them to the ones he’d purchased at Amazon.

Austin: And this one (orange) is for daytime and this (yellow) is for nighttime. They’re even different colors.

Me: I would expect the daytime one to be yellow.

Austin: They’re for whitening.

Me: You’re already white.

Austin: You’re right, I am. I’m going to try them on my teeth.

Halloween Decorations

 

Leftover Candy

 Austin, diving into the mini rice crispy treats we bought: These are only 45 calories a piece. I can eat ten of these before I have to worry. I’ve got three more to go.