Watching the Ooku and this scenario is posed in the episode.
Austin: If I suddenly disappeared and someone came to you with fifty million dollars and you had to keep it a secret that I was gone?
Me: Well, your mom and sibs would ask questions. I would have to fake incidents on FB.
Austin: Yeah, you’d have to do that. But you’d have 50 million dollars, so you could travel, go out of the country. Would you do it.
Me: Yeah.
Austin: Would it be the money or—
Me: Well, yeah.
The $5 foot long cookie from Subway.
Austin: That is a good cookie. No wonder it keeps selling out. Subway’s going to end up raising their prices for that.
Me, a little later: I looked up the fake bakes on the Kroger app and they’re about $3.50.
Austin: Tree-fitty?
Me: Yeah. So $5 isn’t out of line for Subway to make a profit.
Austin: I suppose so. We used to get cookie dough from Kroger for a dollar or two.
Me: That’s what I just looked up and they’re three-fifty.
Austin: Tree-fitty.
Me: Yes, tree-fitty.
Austin and I were discussing our dinner plans at Subway tonight.
Me: I was trying to decide whether I should get the foot long cookie or churro.
Austin: We’re getter them both.
Me: Oh. Hooray! That’s good. Chocolate chip cookies are like on my list of top three desserts, after turtles. But churros are different.
Austin: That cookie looks nice and thick too.
Me: Yeah. It should last at least a couple of days.
Austin laughs at me.
Me: What?
Austin: That cookie will be gone in two minutes with you.
Me: I’m trying to restrain myself.
Austin: Yeah, the only thing restraining you is a leash.
Me: Our cupboard is filled with chocolate. Not just that, my room is filled with wonderful chocolate Christmas and birthday presents.
Austin: What about our anniversary?
Me: What about it?
Austin: Your birthday is also our anniversary, so some of those gifts were for our anniversary too.
Me: Our anniversary stopped being a gift a long time ago.
Austin & I got some Hot & Sour Lemon Braised Chicken Feet Flavored Lay’s potato chips. Austin doesn’t like them. I just don’t understand that boy.
Austin, getting home from the dentist: They told me what I already knew. I lost a filling in that one tooth. And the tooth next to it has a shadow, so it probably needs a filling too. It might need a crown. They both might need crowns. Of course they need crowns. They’re the only real teeth I have left. They need to be treated like royalty.
Austin and I yesterday.
Me: Guess what today is.
Austin : What?
Me: Superbowl Sunday.
Austin: Oh. [Pause]. I’m for the one team.
Me: I’m for the other one.
Austin: B&$€#%.
Me: The Chiefs won.
Austin: What?
Me: The Superbowl. The Chiefs won.
Austin: Oh. I wanted the othe team to win.
Me: I don’t know who the other team was.
Austin: The 49ers.
Me: Oh, yeah. I do like them. When I was a kid, I was a big fan of [brain fart]. I almost said Joe DiMaggio.
Austin: I think he was a baseball player.
Me: Uh yeah and he was briefly married to Marilyn Monroe.
Me: Would we do the day you were an intern at Weathervane and were 16 years old. The first day you were in readiness row at JCP or your birthday when we officially started our relationship?
Austin: Actually, it doesn’t matter what we pick; that’s just our perspective of what the moon looked like when we met. In fact, the moon has looked exactly the same for thousands of years. Now if you want to commemorate our relationship with my moon….
Watching Murder, She Wrote. A pregnant woman is eating pickles.
Me: That’s one thing about Murder, She Wrote. It plays into stereotypes constantly.
Austin: What?
Me: A pregnant woman eating pickles.
Austin: Well, that’s normal. ”Here, have some coffee on the house. And here’s some pickles. You can eat the ketchup too.” I ate a plate of pickles the other day.
Me: Are you pregnant?
Austin, touching his tummy.
Me: Is it the return of Tasia?
Austin periodically binges Murder, She Wrote.
Austin: If I murdered someone, would you still love me?
Me: Depends who you murder. If you murdered X….
Austin: What if I end up in jail for the rest of my life? Would you divorce me?
Me: The second I can’t get health benefits off of you, you’re useless to me.
Austin was fooling around with the controls on the hot tub.
Me: You just blasted me with cold air on my back.
Austin turned another knob. Then switched around something else.
Me: There’s directions in the cabin.
Austin: Instructions are for babies.
Me: Spoken like a true man.
