Chicken-Quinoa...Thing

I had some chicken thawed, but no plans for dinner. After looking through the cupboards, I started to cook the chicken.
Austin: What are you making?
Me: I don’t know.
Austin, giving me a look.
Me: I’m just kind of guessing. I’m going to make some kind of quinoa and chicken thing. You know, like cook some chicken and mix it with quinoa. I’m not really sure. A chicken-quinoa sort—
Austin gives me another look, so I punch him in the arm.
Austin: I can’t help it when my face does the face thing.

Tacky Floors

I decided to refinish the floors... below are before & after shots.

Me: The bathroom floor is still tacky in the middle, so we’ll need to take it easy again tomorrow.
Austin: That’s okay. I’ve learned to be careful since I moved into this house.
Me: I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or sincere.
Austin, sinisterly: I love you.
Me: My love is so much more threatening than yours.

Frozen Veggie Burgers

I pulled out veggie burgers from the freezer. To my dismay, they had developed a layer of frost.

Me, texting: My veggie burger has a face.

Me: So does yours.

Austin sent this back.

Raspberry Sherbet

Me: I looked it up. Kroger doesn't even make raspberry sherbet.

Austin: They have rainbow sherbet.

Me: I know, but they don't sell the raspberry individually.

Austin: They offer lime and orange individually. That's sherbet racism. Somebody needs to fight Kroger on this. Call the news.

Bagel Dream

Austin's bagel dream: To see or eat a bagel in your dream suggests that there is a key element missing from your life. You are not completely whole. This can also refer to your sexual urges.

To dream of having an abundance of a certain item indicates that you need to conserve your resources and energies. This dream may be a compensatory dream for something that you are lacking in life. More directly, abundance signifies happiness.

Austin: Velvet offers raspberry sherbet, but it's $3.59. Kroger brand is $2.50 and it's a quart and a half. Velvet is only a quart. But Kroger doesn't have raspberry. There wasn't even a slot for it.

Me: This is why you're dreaming of bagels.

Monthly Cleaning

It’s time once again to clean the sinks, toilets, etc.
Me: Do you need to use the toilet before I clean it?
Austin: No.
Me: Well, I’m going to use it really fast before I clean it.
Austin: What are you going to use it for?
Me: If I could find a way to use it to kill you, I would. But I’ll keep thinking about it.

Austin In Bed

Austin was in bed when I got home from work. And he was still in bed when I went up to check on him at 7:00. And he was still in bed when I checked on him at 8:30. But then he finally got up.
Austin: I’m sorry I didn’t spend more of the evening with you.
Me: We’re married. You’re going to spend your whole life with me.
Austin: Wow. I was trying to say something sweet. And you just turned it into this ominous threat.
Me: That’s what I’m here for.