London/Paris

So this past fall, my husband, mother & I went to London and Paris. It was a belated honeymoon for Austin & I. And my mom came along . . . because she paid.

Mom laid out $13,500 for a honeymoon for Austin & I. Mom was telling the agent that I bought my house 18 years ago.
Me: 16 years.
Mom growls at me: I worked at X 13 yrs and I've been retired for 3.
Me: That's 16.
Mom: Oh.


In Scotland & Ireland, they don't do doggie bags. I expect similar shock to the request when we visit London & Paris. Austin, however, cannot live without doggie bags.
Me: I'm telling you, don't ask for a doggie bag.
Austin: I'll do what I want, woman.
It's like Austin doesn't understand that Emun Elliott lives in London & that I will so leave him and hunt down the man of my dreams . . .

Moi: Es-tu pret?
Austin: Je m'appelle Austin.
Moi: Je demande et-tu pret?
Austin: Fromage.

Austin: We've still got plenty of time.
Me: I know, I've just got all this anxiety. I feel like I need to stay home and pack for our trip.
Austin: It'll be fine. Soon we'll be on the plane and on our way and then you'll realize you forgot something.

Me: There's a Vosges in JFK, so I'm going to try and find that.
Austin: We're going to London and Paris. Don't fill up your bag space with U.S. chocolate.
Me: We're not going through JFK on the way back.
Austin: You can get Vosges any time. Even Kroger has it now.
Later with Mom
Me: They have a Vosges at JFK.
Mom: We'll have to stop past.
Austin: I already told her that she shouldn't load up on Vosges.
Mom: We're not going through JFK on the way back.
Men do not understand the importance of chocolate. 
Incidentally, Vosges no longer has a location at JFK. :(
  

All Austin wants to know about our vacation is if there's a swimming pool. Poor guy, going to London & Paris, but we don't have pools at either of the hotels.

Austin: It's too soon to worry about money belts. Now me, I'm gonna put my money in a balloon and shove it up my &%$. 

We spent our first night in London watching Big Bang Theory reruns . . . 

While walking in Olympia (a suburb outside of London), we saw a sign about a fertility show that was going to be held in November. Mom was disappointed, because we wouldn't be able to go.
Austin: Just because we don't have kids doesn't mean we're infertile. I'm fertile. I'm so fertile, I'm fertile all over the place.
Me: Just because fertilizer comes out of your mouth does not make you fertile. 

My husband being a doof at the Louvre, pretending to hold up the inverted pyramid.

 

Austin, after our trip: I saw London, I saw France, I saw someone's underpants.
Me: That's because you kept looking at those fetish shops.