Happy B-Day, Emun Elliott 11/28

I showed Austin a pic of Emun Elliott and trilled over the wonder of it being his birthday again this year. (His birthday is 11/28, my bad, this happen Monday.)
Me: And he'll have a birthday again next year! Again and again forever and ever.
Austin: Until he dies. Then we can celebrate his death.
Me, a bit older than Emun Elliott: I don't think I'll outlive him.
Austin: Oh, I'll make that dream happen. And you know, there's hope. He's a smoker, isn't he?

Brand Loyalty

Austin: So we were talking about loyalty in class today and I said, 'I'm loyal to Coke. I love Coke. Coke is the best.' And one of the girls says, 'I thought JCP had a drug testing policy.' And of course everyone busts up laughing.
Me: What about your wife? Being loyal to your wife.
Austin: Brand loyalty. Besides, it had to be something true.

Sleeping Easy

Usually when I come in, I go directly to Austin and let him know I'm home. Today, I had to use the restroom. Directly after, I went to Austin.
Me: A burglar didn't break into the house and use the bathroom. It was me.
Austin, taking me up in his arms: Oh thank God. I was so worried.
Me: I knew you would be.
Austin: I can sleep easy now.
Me: I hate to tell you this, but you can sleep easy pretty much anytime.

You'd Love Me More If . . .

Austin was hugging me and telling me how much he loves me.

Austin: The only way I could love you more is if you were wealthy.

Me: I have $$$$$ in the bank.

Austin: I know you're wealthy with friends and family and me. And I know you have a little money saved up, but I mean really wealthy, like a million or two. So I wouldn't have to work.

Me, all kinds of amused.

Austin: Come on. You'd love me more if I was a bit more handsome.

Me: You're gorgeous.

Austin: If you could have me a bit more sexy, you'd love it. Say, if I looked a bit more like an actor.

Me: Yeah, if you looked like Emun Elliott, I'd be over the moon.

OSU vs. MU

So Austin & I were talking about the OSU/MU game and how much we don't care.
Austin: We get all excited about winning, but Michigan had a winning streak that lasted like 13 years back in the '80's, but that was before I was born, so I don't care.
Me: Wow, you make me feel old in one sentence.
Austin: I can do it in two or three too.

Dog Tricks

Austin came in after visiting his parents.
Me: You missed it. Cassie and I were just doing tricks.
Austin: Did she teach you anything?
Me: No. You can't teach an old dog new tricks.
Austin: That's what I was going to say.

Texting

I was texting and Austin randomly says: I don't know how I could love you more than I do.
Me, overcome with affection, went over to hug him. In his embrace, I continue to text.
Austin, as my phone beeps: Never mind.

Yellow Jackets

Austin: Oh, a bee!
He ducks.
Me: It's a yellow jacket.
I pick up a catalog and look for a glass.
Austin: Are you going to kill it or catch it?
Me: Catch it. What do you think I am?
Austin: I know what you are. You're an evil, horrible monster, but for some reason you have a soft spot for insects and arachnids. You know, some demons have insect and arachnid familiars.

Me: The house is now officially yellow jacket free. I was right. It went down the pipe under the stove burner. It was in the oven. As soon as I opened the door, it flew out, I caught it and put it outside.
Austin: Not without sampling my pumpkin pie. My poor defiled pie.
Me: I bet it won't stop you from eating it.

Notes Passing Thru The Night

Austin's been working second shift. I work first shift. We both live so far from work, by the time I get home, he's already gone. So we see each other for a few hours on weekends. Much of our communication these past few weeks has been through notes left sitting on the stove.

In case you can't read our handwriting or the photo quality is bad,
Me: Would you prefer pumpkin soup or pumpkin pie?

Pie is circled.

Austin (crossed out): There's a cheesy bean & rice burrito in the fridge. You can have it if you want.

Austin: I ate it. You would hate it. I love you. I love you. I love you. (drawing of an eye + heart + U)

Cremation

Me: I don't care what you do with my body after I die. I figure cremation is as good as anything. Just don't stick me next to your father on the shelf.

Austin: I'm sandwiching you right between him and the wall. I'm gonna push him up against you. Maybe I'll even open the containers and mix the contents.

So, now I'm getting Austin this tee for Christmas:

Flatware

Austin may be right. (But only this once.) We were watching My Little Pony and Twilight Sparkle was going gah gah over the table settings.

Austin: Just one more thing you have in common with Twilight Sparkle.

I cringe. Yes, the first thing I do at a restaurant is to arrange my flatware properly and place a napkin in my lap. I didn't know it was so brutally obvious.

So I was looking over these emoji's. And I found this one: 

The knife is facing the wrong direction. Yeah, I'm a little OCD about flatware placement.

The Paradise

This gem came up on my FB memories the other day:

2014: November 18, series/season 2 of The Paradise will be released on DVD. I was shouting joy over this yesterday.
Austin: But if you buy it for yourself, that means I won't be able to get it for you for Christmas.
Me: Does that mean you're going to guarantee me you'll get me the DVD for Christmas?
Austin: It doesn't mean I won't guarantee that I won't get it for you for Christmas.
I'm thinking he should get me something else for Christmas and not stand between me & my obsession with Emun Elliott.

Another Wedding

Austin and I are going to another wedding, this time for a pair of his male friends. I don't know when the wedding will be, but Austin says I should wear a tux. I've picked out this number for him.

I Love You

Me: Have I told you that I love you today?
Austin: I think so.
Me: Well, I'm going to say it again. I love you.
Austin: I think I love you too.
Me: Now careful, I don't want you thinking.
Austin: I don't love you anymore.

Tasia

So Austin declared Tasia dead sometime ago and that he had to accept that he has a gut. It's been a while since we've brought her up.

Me, with my hand on Austin's tummy: You sure Tasia's not still kicking around down there?

Austin: If she's kicking, she's going to kick your *^&*#

Memory

Me: I went downstairs to get my wallet so I could balance my checkbook. Guess what I came back upstairs without?

Austin: Well, the obvious answer would be your wallet, but I'm going to say your mind.

Yes, he did say ouch after I hit him.

Toothbrush Bacteria

So I read an article about 10 things loving couples do every day. Austin and I do maybe 5 of them.

Me: The article suggested putting toothpaste on your partner's toothbrush if you're the first one up. That's gross. I'm usually up hours before you. Having that toothbrush sitting on the counter in the bathroom?

Austin: Yeah, that is gross. Did it say anything about plotting to kill each other?

Me: No, apparently that's not something loving couples do. Just try to kill them with bacteria on toothbrushes.

Great British Baking Show

The only thing Austin and I love more than true murder shows is cooking shows. But we don't make as many fun comments during those shows . . .

Watching Great British Baking Show,
Judge: We have to eliminate someone. It was a very difficult decision.
Austin: So we're going to shock everyone and eliminate one of the judges. I say the one in the red jacket.
I laugh.
Austin: Wait for the real shocker in episode 10. Someone will come out with a butcher knife and kill a contestant.

Farts

So I let this loud, obnoxious fart while chilling with Austin and I apologized, of course.
Me: You know, I think farting might be how we came up with trumpets and trombones.
Austin: Then why don't we play them with our $&$)@?

Weight

Austin: What are you doing?
Me: Calculating how many calories I can eat a day to get down to 140-145 pounds by X and Y's wedding.
Austin, making an incredulous noise: Don't do that to yourself.
Me: But I want to look fabulous in that dress.
Austin: You're going to look fabulous in that dress no matter what.
Me: But I'll look more fabulous in that dress thin.
Austin: You'd also look fabulous in that dress rich.

BTW, Austin made chocolate chip cookies directly after this.

Spinach Dip

So, Austin called me a nag recently. Last night, before I went to bed, I wrote myself a note. Austin was over at a friend's, so I made an addendum to the note:

Don't forget spinach dip. This is a note to myself. But if you forgot, I'm glad it reminded you too.

Sexiness

As I'm coming in from work.

Austin: I hear sexiness coming up the stairs.

Me: Your ears deceive you.

Athletic Shoes

I IM'ed Austin at work about a sale we're having around 11:00 o'clock. He's been looking for athletic shoes for our trip. He finally IM'd me back.
Austin E 12:17 PM
that's true. ty for letting me know
 Rachel 12:17 PM
welcome
Rachel 12:18 PM
Just an FYI. You im me back so long after the initial im, I no longer have the im and completely forgot what I im'd about, then I had to use brainpower to think . . . thanks for making me use my brain @ work.

Sick Day

Austin: Man, I want to stay home today.
Me: Well, you have one WLB day left. But since you weren't willing to use it to go to your nephew's birthday party, you can't waste it spending time with your wife and mother-in-law.
Austin: I wasn't going to spend time with you and your mom. I was going to stay home.

NOC'ers

Austin 2:15 PM

also, if you could make a note...hopefully I will remember...that if X is here on Friday...please take her a little of the spinach dip...she really loves it & always asks me to bring it

I won't be here...but I thought I'd leave a note on the dip for you

or maye I'll make a tiny seperate batch...that would be better

so you won't get the stink-eye from the other NOC'ers

Rachel 2:17 PM

I'll make a note. I'm waiting on Y to research some SPIFF orders, then I'm done. They're having a meeting, so he's busy right now . . .

Austin E 2:17 PM

btw, I made myself laugh by typing noccers

We Love Our Real Murder TV

So, watching New Detectives reruns on Netflix. The murder claims that his friend murdered himself, that he was stabbed when the hood of the car smashed him into the engine.
Austin: That's ridiculous.
Me: If I murder you, I'll come up with a better story.
Austin: If you murder me, they'll have an episode about me on New Detectives.
Me: No they won't. The show isn't on anymore.
Austin: Well, they'll bring back Murder She Wrote just for me and have an episode based on me.

New Orleans

Me: Mom doesn't want to go to New Orleans with us, but she said she'd take care of our house and animals while we're gone.
Austin: But if your mom doesn't go, it won't be any fun!

A recent study showed that most people would rather take their phone than their significant other on vacation with them. My husband would rather take my mother. BTW, Mom has reconsidered. We're all going to New Orleans together.

Trash

OMG, Austin took the trash out, no prompting from me. This is the fifth time in five years. If this keeps up, I'll stop counting.

New Detectives

Watching more murder porn, New Detectives on Netflix. An episode on poisoning.

Austin, who's said this before: I've told my family to have a full tox screen done on me if I die under mysterious circumstances. You're not going to get away with poisoning me.

Me: For sure.

Austin: I'm just kidding [rubbing my arm]. I know you'd never poison me.

Me: That's not so sure.

Zoe & Wash

So I was bored and took a quiz: Which fictional romance best describes your relationship?

I got Zoe & Wash from Firefly. I've never watched Firefly, but Austin is a sci-fi fanatic. And I am a huge fan of Alan Tudyk, so I was especially excited by the results.

Austin: Zoe & Wash? Seriously?

Me: You used to love Firefly. I thought you'd like it.

Austin: Zoe's a cold, heartless mercenary.

Me: I could see that.

Austin: Wash is really funny though. He's great. So I'd be Wash. Yeah, I like that. 

In Sickness . . .

Austin: Thank you for taking such good care of me while I'm sick.
Me: You took good care of me a couple of weeks ago when I was sick.
Austin, making a fist: Yeah, but not how I'd really like to take care of you.