France Trip

Whoops! I missed a couple of entries from our France adventure.

Mom and I were discussing our plans for France. We're eating at a couple of Michelan five star restaurants, which require appropriate attire. Mom and I were comparing the outfits we were going to wear.

Mom: I have two dresses, but I wasn't sure if I should take them both or just one and wear it twice.

Me: Take them both. It's a dress. It doesn't take up that much space.

Austin: I only have one dress, but I'm going to take it.

Me, face palm.

Mom: They say you should be comfortable on the plane. Yeah, wear the dress for the flight.

Austin: Oh no, I was going to wear my bathrobe and slippers on the plane.

It More

Austin: Have I told you enough that I love you today?
Me: I can always stand to hear it more.
Austin: It more.

I'm Happy

I was having an exceptionally good day.

Me: At the risk of shocking everyone whose ever met me, I'm happy.

Friend X: Did Austin move out?

Stand Between Happiness

Austin and I got a bottle of apple and ginger pop. The ginger flavor was overwhelming and I really didn’t like it. Austin didn’t care for it either. So the last sip of pop,
Me: I’m going to drink the last of this. Unless you want it.
Austin: I would never stand between you and happiness.
Me: Yeah you would. You do it all the time.
Austin: That’s the law. The police would throw you in jail if you go out and kill every person you wanted to.
Me: I wasn’t talking about that. I was talking about going to London and stalking Emun Elliott.


And now I feel that I owe you a picture . . .

 

Love is Like . . ,

Austin was making tofu.
Austin: I think I’ve squeezed all the liquid out of this that I can.
So I threw my arms around Austin’s waist.
Me: Have I squeezed you enough?
Austin: You can never squeeze me enough.
So I squeezed him some more.
Austin: There aren’t words to describe how much I love you.
Me: There are. You don’t spend enough time with a dictionary.
Austin: I don’t need a dictionary, I have Stephen King.
Me: Thank you for comparing our love to a Stephen King novel.

Watching Star Trek

Austin & I were watching, ST: NG, Thine Own Self, which is the episode where Data loses his memory. Half-way through, Data is building a fairly advanced telescope and is making some pretty impressive progress in his research. But he still doesn't know what “Radioactive” means.

Me: That's kind of hard to swallow.

Austin, opening his pants: This is kind of hard to swallow too.

Me, rolling my eyes: No it's not, it's just disgusting.

Rent

Me: I’m gonna move into the bathroom for a bit.
Austin: OK, but just so you know. The rent has gone up.

Dreaming of the Dog

I had a dream that Austin was beating our dog, Cassie. I got really upset and started screaming at him to stop.

Me: She's my dog. I don't want you beating her like that.

Austin: But she ate the whole Vosges chocolate bar by herself. There's none left.

Me, feeling a bit sheepish.

Remember, this was just a dream . . .

Marking Mates

Earlier, I was joking about wooing the transvestite at work.
Austin, presently: I don’t want any other man taking you away from me.
Me: Like X?
Austin: Yeah. I understand now why men mark their women.
Me, a look.
Austin: I wouldn’t do anything terrible.
Me: Like pee on me?
Austin: Oooo, definitely not. I’m not marking you like an animal. I meant like tattooing my name on your forehead or—
Me: Or taking an iron to my face?
Austin: Right. I wouldn’t do anything stupid.
Me: Because marrying me was stupid enough, right?

The Nice Transvestite

Austin has been playing with his new Apple Pencil, drawing on his iPad all day. Then he started talking about airbrushing our pictures. 

I, on the other hand, was complaining once again about this cross-dresser at work. He's a very nice guy, young, okay looking, but he's really needy and he thinks he's right all the time. And, uh, uh-hem, is convinced that crop circles are real and that aliens built the pyramids.

Austin: We could make our selfies look like pictures in magazines. And the fake selfies everyone else takes.

Me, smiling.

Austin: Nah, I don't really want to do that.

Me: I do. How else am I going to attract X, the cross-dresser? He's not going to stay single forever.

Austin: You want to bet on that? Because willing to put down $50 that he is.

Keyboard

I ordered a keyboard ages ago and it finally came.
Me, grunting.
Austin: What is it?
Me: Nothing. The keyboard was being persnickety for a minute.
Austin: You’re persnickety all the time. Don't complain about that keyboard.

Tripping

I sat my wallet on the stairs to remind myself to take it downstairs. Austin tripped on it.
Austin: You’re trying to kill me.
Me: Why are you stating the obvious?

Thirsty

Sometimes, my husband is sweet. Sometimes, he's corny . . .

Austin got up.
Me: I was about to get up too. I’m thirsty.
Austin: Really? ‘Cause you’re a tall glass of water.

Office Supplies

Austin asked and received a bunch of office supplies for his birthday. He was telling me what all he took to work. But I saw a stack of office supplies still by his bed.
Me: But you didn’t take everything.
Austin: I have a letter opener already. And that one looks dangerous.
Me: So you’re leaving it here for the next time we have a disagreement?
Austin: That’s right. The other one could take your eye out if I tried. That one I can stab through your heart easy.

Banana Bread

Me: I’m really excited to try the banana bread I made.
Austin: Why?
Me: I tried a new recipe. I don’t usually make banana bread with cream cheese.
Austin: I don’t either. I usually slather the cream cheese on it.
Me: Whoops. Well, you’re not going to be able to do that now.
Austin: I’m sorry I didn’t make my banana bread eating preferences clear.


If you want to try it, it's delish:
https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/256401/cream-cheese-banana-bread/?internalSource=hub%20recipe&referringContentType=search&clickId=cardslot%202

Gloves

Me: I’m not sure if I should give these gloves to Goodwill or throw them away.
Austin: Well, if you think they should be thrown out, throw them away. I doubt anyone else will get any use out of them.
Me: You’re right. I do tend to suck the life out of things.
Austin: That’s what I’m afraid of.

Remember Watermelon House?

Remember Watermelon House? I posted a pic of it 2/25/18.

Shopping recently, we found this pair of boxer shorts.

Austin thinks the residents of this house needs these accoutrements.

Lentils

Austin and I were talking about making the lentil quinoa bowl that Panera offers at home and I mentioned that I'd need lentils.

Austin: We have lentils.

Me: I love lentils. I thought I ate the last of them.

Austin: We bought some red lentils in the fall. They got pushed to the back of the cupboard.

Me: Well, I'll look later.

Sure enough, hiding behind a mountain of marshmallows that were leftover from a project, lentils.

I texted Austin at work.

Me: You're right. We have lentils. Make note since it never happens. 

Pretty soon, I get a text of this.

 

Sin in a Tin

Austin: Cute, but I won't fit in there.

Redecorating

Me: I really like the Chinese canteen and $15 isn't bad for it, but I'm trying to get rid of stuff right now and don't want to bring in more junk. But I was thinking about getting rid of the cat stuff in the living room and doing an Asian theme in there. I could buy the canteen and use it in a display in the living room. What do you think?
Austin: What?

Walk Home

Mom was being snarky around Grove City yesterday en route to home.
Me: Be careful or I'll have Austin kick you out and you can walk home.
Mom: Your husband likes me better. He'll kick you out and you can walk home.
Austin: I wouldn't let either of you walk home alone. I'd kick you both out.

Go On

I texted Mom to let her know we'd pick her up around 8:30 or 9:00, then about 9:00, I sent her another text to let her know we were on our way. When we got to her house, she didn't come out, so we honked. Finally she comes out and waves her hand at us.
Austin: She said go on without her.

Plans to Visit Terracotta Army Exhibit

Discussing our upcoming adventure to Cincinnati to see the Terracotta Army.
Me: Mom said if we drive, she’ll pay for tickets, parking, cover gas or buy lunch. Whatever.
Austin: And the great thing is we can drive down to Cincinnati, get her to pay for museum tickets, lunch and gas, then we can still kick her out of the car and leave her down there.

Hoison Sauce

Me: Hoisin sauce was only $2.00. I just bought some, so I don’t need any, but for $2.00, I’ll put it in the cupboard.
Mom: You should stock up.
Me: Our kitchen is an avalanche of stocked up. I don’t want anymore junk in the house.
Mom: When is Austin moving out?

Laser Spine Institute

Austin: I want a laser spine!

Pony Play

Me: X & Y think we should do it. Especially with how much you and I love My Little Pony.

Austin: Nah. Really, it was pretty boring. Now, if they had rainbow colors or wings, maybe . . .

Monkey Business

Me: Mom says they remind her of you and have the same intelligent eyes.
Austin: They will also remind her of the way I throw poop at her the next time I see her.

Empowering Saw

Tortillas

Austin: Your meal comes with tortillas?
Me: Yeah.
Austin: I didn't know that.
Me: I always order the same thing and it always has. It's like you don't pay attention to me at all.
Austin: I hate to admit it, but I try to pay as little attention to you as possible.

Don't Take Problems to Bed

Sunflower Seeds

Austin: Usually I like a whole handful of sunflower seeds and really like that crunch in my whole mouth, but I decided to have just a single sunflower seed today. I put it in my mouth, bit down and then the flavor permeated my mouth and filled it with the sunflower seed.
Me: Let me try.
So I did.
Me: That was underwhelming.
Austin: Yeah, after one, then I went back to eating by the handful.