Sweet Mom

Austin: Do you want to go for a walk? I think it’s going to rain soon.
Me: That’s why I drove Mom home. She was afraid she was going to melt.
Austin: Well, your mom is pretty sweet. She’s made of pure sugar.
Me: I haven’t heard that much *&#^ for a long time. Which just means you’re slacking off.

Tiramisu

Me: The tiramisu left in the fridge is all yours.
Austin: That’s a lot in there.
Then he noticed a heaping piece in my bowl.
Me: I didn’t mean to take that much.
Austin: Can I have a bite?
So I bit him.

Green Onions

Austin is growing his green onion bits into more green onions.
Austin: Aren’t they wonderful?
Picture me not caring.
Austin: They’re amazing.
Still not caring.
Austin: Come here and look!
Complying for simplicity.
Austin: You have to be able to see that. They’re longer. The wimpy ones have become straight. They’re not limp and floppy anymore. They stand tall and proud.
Me: Kind of like you.
Austin: I’m still pretty floppy.

Hey Google!

Me: Hey Google, set a second timer called sweet potato for 50 minutes.
Google: I have set a timer called sweet potato for one second.
Timer goes off.
Me: Hey Google, set a second timer for a sweet potato for 50 minutes.
Google: I have set a second timer for one week, four days, three hours and 50 minutes.
Austin, cracking up.
Me: Hey Google, cancel the timer called sweet potato.
I snatched the digital timer off the fridge and set it. Google isn’t going to control my life.
Austin: Hey Google, please set a timer called sweet potato for 50 minutes.
Google: I have set a second time called sweet potato for 50 minutes.
I must have been the shade of a beet.
Austin: It’s because you didn’t say please.

Have I Told You

Me: Have I told you today that I love you?
Austin: Yes.
Me: Good. I’m glad I got that out of the way. Later in the day, I tend to change my mind.

Straight Face

Austin stopped the TV abruptly, turned to me, a huge grin on his face.
Austin: I love you.
Me: I have trouble saying it with a straight face too.

Mr. Bright Side

I refinished a desk for Mom. I was getting ready to take it to her.
Me, hugging Austin: Have I told you I love you enough today?
Austin: No.
Me: Oh no! What if I get in an accident on the way to Mom’s and die? Then I’ll never be able to tell you I love you enough. I won’t be able to live with myself.
Austin: You won’t have to. You’ll be dead.
Me: Thank you, Mr. Bright Side.

Cleaning Up Poo

Austin, giving me a big hug: I missed you so much this morning.
I elected to skip both of Austin’s morning walks.
Austin: Cassie pooped both times.
Me: Oh no! You poor baby.
Austin: I had to clean it up all by myself both times.
Me: That’s the only reason you take me along.
Austin: No, it’s not. It’s the main reason, but not the only.

Love?

Me: Have I told you today how much I love you?
Austin: You almost did earlier, but I think I made a snide, sarcastic remark and you hit me instead.
Me: That sounds about right.

Shanara Chronicles

Austin: I don’t why I’m watching this [Shanara Chronicles]. It’s awful.
Me: We started watching it last year and decided it was awful and stopped.
Austin: I almost stopped last episode. I still might stop.
Me, noticing the remote by his thigh: You still can. You have the power.
Austin, taking the remote from me and pointing it directly at me: It won’t work. It’s broken.
Me, rolling eyes.
Austin: Have I told you today how much I love you?
Me: It was pretty sarcastic when you said it, yes.

Second Trip to Carrollton Cemetery

At the beginning of March, I took Mom on a trek to Carrollton, Ohio to a cemetery two hours from our home. It was an old family cemetery and only my great-great-great grandfather is buried there. It was a cold, rainy day, but it was nice to spend time with my mother. However, I told her never, ever again.

Somehow, my mother lassoed me into a second trip. Quarantine itis. I'd go anywhere.

Austin: Look on the bright side. You're going to a cemetery. If your mother gets on your nerves, it's the perfect place to bury her body.

I rolled my eyes.

Later, driving with Mom, Me: Keep it up old lady. We're going out to the middle of nowhere. If I kill you and abandon your body, no one will find you, no one will know you. You'll just be one more corpse in a cemetery.

Mom: What would Austin say to that?

Me: Hooray.

Chipped Mug

Me: This cup is starting to get a chipped bit in it. I was thinking we should get rid of it.
Austin: I was just drinking tea from that mug.
Me: I can see that you love this mug. I’ll put it in the cabinet.
Austin: It’s had that little chipped bit forever.
Me: It seems to be getting worse, this little imperfection, but if you love it, we’ll keep it. Get out of the way so I can put it in the cabinet.
Austin: I love things with little imperfections.
Me: Get your hands off of me.

Quinoawesome!

I forgot to thaw out something for dinner. Going through dinner ideas.
Me: How do veggie burgers with quinoa and lemon sauce sound?
Austin: It sounds quinoawesome.

Circle of Love

Austin: Have I told you how much I love you today?
Me: No.
Austin, spreading his arms wide: I love you this much.
Me: You stomach sticks out when you love me that much.
Austin: Yeah, it’s supposed to. It may look like a little strip of love, but it’s actually my whole stomach, not a line, but a circle, so I can encompass you with my love.

Binging Sherlock Holmes

When I was a teenager, I had a huge crush on this British actor Rupert Graves. While COVID-19 binging, I found him in a supporting role on Sherlock.
Me: I’m so glad Rupert Graves is still around. And he still looks great. I’m glad thirty some years later, I still like looking at him.
Austin: That’s what I hope for, in thirty years, you still like looking at me.
Me: I don’t like looking at you now. 

Hash Browns

Me, checking my hash browns: I forgot to set a timer for my hash browns.
Austin: Well, then they’ll be hash blacks.

Cheese Danish

Me: I think I've cracked it. These cheese danish turned out perfectly. They are a little piece of heaven.
Austin: I think if they were really a piece of heaven, there wouldn't be any calories.

Hug

Me: I just came upstairs because I feel like I haven't hugged you and told you enough that I love you.
Austin: Wow. And here you are opposite me. And I still don't believe you.

Side Dish

Me: What do you want as a side with pork tonight?
Austin: Cauliflower. But I don’t want it as steaks like we normally do. Go on the internet and see if you can find an easy recipe for cauliflower.
Me: I’m sure there’ll be plenty.
Austin: We could do something like that cauliflower stew you made a couple of weeks ago.
Me: I hated that.
Austin: If the cauliflower was ground up finely like you suggested, I think I’d really like it. It just needs tweaked.
Me: You and I have completely different tastes.
Austin licked me.
Austin, smacking his lips together: You’re right.
So I bit him.

Sylvester the Mummy

I watched a documentary on Sylvester, a mummy in a curiosity shop in the west.
Me: It was very interesting. Sylvester was amazingly well preserved. You could see the irises of his eyes. Legend says he was an old west gunslinger, but scientists found that he likely died of tuberculosis in jail and eventually became a sideshow mummy.
Austin: I think I’d like to be turned into a mummy after I die.
Me: No.
Austin: You could keep me in the living room.
Me: No.
Austin: I could be like the clown in Peewee’s Playhouse. I could be set up with an animatronic arm so I could wave at everybody.
Me: No.

Oculus

I hugged Austin. I wanted to kiss him too, but he was wearing his Oculus goggles and I couldn’t get to his lips.
Austin: I can’t help it if I’m a wild man. The game calls to me.
Me: I’ll just fart in your general direction. That’s a kiss from my ^&#%.

How Much I Love

Me, hugging Austin: Have I told you how much I love you today? How much your support means to me? How much you have helped me grow as a person?
Austin, snickering.
Me, punching him in the arm: I’m serious!

Working Remotely

I was going to take Mom out.

Austin: Let me know how it goes. Since I’ll be home doing nothing. Well except working.

Adventures Travelling During COVID-19

Mom and I went to Palmer Cemetery, an ancient cemetery in Fox Township, Ohio.

Me: It was actually a nice day. Two hours down, half an hour or so puttering around the cemetery, then two hours back. We stopped at a gas station for lunch, since there's nothing out there. We each had jumbo hot dog and Slurpy. Then we're about half an hour from home and Mom starts talking about going up to the cemetery where my grandparents are buried. I told her absolutely not. Then boom, like karma, I start hitting all these detours. So I end up in Mount Vernon anyway. It's like I was cursed.

Austin: Your mom does kind of look like a witch after you look at her for so long.

Smells

Austin was opening a bottle of wine.
Austin: I’m not sure. It doesn’t smell like I’ll like it.
Me, sniffing Austin: This smells like I’ll like it.
Austin: This smells pretty strong.
Me, still sniffing him: This doesn’t smell very strong.

Interview

I had an interview today. I was telling Austin about it.
Me: They asked me two of my strengths.
Austin, flexing his biceps: These are my two strengths.

Seven Year Itch

Austin: With us having been married for almost seven years—
Me: It’s over seven years. We just had seven years this past January.
Austin: Oh, did we? Okay, seven years.
Me: We got married in 2013, didn’t we?
Austin: What are you asking me for?

Sweet

Me: I’m going to make some tea.

Austin, stirring the frozen dinner: No, you’re not. This thing still has one and a half minutes left to go.

Me: Fine.

So, I waited. Austin pulled out the frozen dinner the second time.

Austin: Now you can have tea.

Me: And you. (Kiss.) V. Rays.

Austin: I only put up with you because you’re so sweet.

Me: It’s because of all the cookies I eat.

Working Remotely

With COVID-19, Austin & I are both working from home. My schedule fluctuates, while Austin consistently works Monday through Friday.

Me, going out with mom.
Austin: Let me know how it goes. Since I’ll be home doing nothing. Well, except working.

Space Launch

I just told Austin about the space launch.
Austin: That’s one way to social distance.