I’ve been working 6 days a week,10 hour days. To add insult to injury, this place is 45 minutes from my home and I am on my feet the whole time.
Needless to say, I’m very thankful for Austin, making incredible dinners, feeding the cats and massaging my feet when I get home.
Me: You are the man of my dreams. So many dreams of mine came true when I met you.
Austin: Remember this is a month when you’re no longer working like this. Because then I’ll be an answer to your nightmares.
Austin: You moved the lamp.
Me: Yes. I couldn’t see, so I moved it closer. If you don’t like it, you can move it back.
Austin: I was just letting you know that I noticed.
Me: You have a huge bump (zit) on the side of your head. I’m just letting you know that I noticed.
Austin: You’re a &^#*. But you probably noticed.
Austin: I respect anyone wearing a kilt.
Mom: He’s got some pretty nice boots with that kilt.
Austin: You’ve got to have nice boots if you’re wearing a kilt. And long socks. Sporn. You need the whole ensemble if you’re wearing a kilt.
Me: But no underwear. You’re not supposed to wear underwear with a kilt.
Austin: Not necessarily. It’s like Schroedinger’s cat. Is it there or not? There’s no way to tell until you look.
Austin: I’m going to make tea. Do you want any?
Me: Sure.
Austin: What kind do you want?
Me: Surprise me.
So Austin pulled catnip down from the cupboard.
While making love.
Me: Do you want more cottage cheese?
Austin: I wish that was code for something, but you’re thinking about grocery shopping.
Me: Yes.
Austin: I officially joined meundies. I’ve also been thinking about buying a wedge pillow for my bed. I don’t think I actually want one. I think I just look at the lounge pants on Meundies and then with a wedge pillow, I could stay in bed all day.
Me: No, you can’t. We have pets.
Austin: Yes, I can. I have a wife.
Austin pulled out his jeans and showed me the crotch.
Austin: Oh!
Me: Didn’t you say they’d developed a hole down there a couple of weeks ago?
Austin: Now there’s two. It’s where my thighs rub together. It’s because of the amazing static electricity my thighs produce. It’s too much for Levi’s. Maybe I need Wranglers.
Austin is playing a video game called Hades. Describing the big boss and how he went through battling him twice.
Austin: I almost made it out of Hell last night.
Me: The fact that you’re still here is indicative of your failure.
Austin started the electric kettle. I wanted some tea also.
Me: I'd appreciate it if you'd make some water for me too.
Austin: Do we have enough oxygen and hydrogen for that?
Me: Have I told you to &*#^ off today?
My Untamed fandom continues. I'm an adult. I separate myself from the crazed denizens of teens in love with Xiao Zhan and Wang YiBo. Great respect to both, but they are young enough to be my children...
Me: I know you don't care, but I just read a post on my Untamed group saying a fortune teller told her Xiao Zhan and Wang YiBo are going to get married in 2026. Can you believe that? Someone actually went to a fortune teller for that.
Austin: 2026?
Me: I know. None of these kids will even care about Xiao Zhan and Wang YiBo by 2026. They'll have their own lives by then. They'll have boyfriends, married, kids...
Austin: Or maybe they'll have girlfriends.
Me: Trust me, no one in that group is going to have a girlfriend. Even the guys in that group aren't going to have girlfriends.
Austin: I was talking about the actors.
Me: Oh.
Name has been redacted to protect the teenager who likely spent money on this.
Austin ordered some MeUndies. He's very happy with the product.
Austin calls me into his room, shows me the bag.
Me: We can't recycle that. Our facility won't take it.
Austin: I know. I just makes me feel obligated to recycle it now.
Austin, a moment later: I’ll show you, I’ll use you to pick up dog poo.
