AI Fun

 

Obsessed with Safety

 I was watching Wild Crimes on Hulu. The person said that Harold, the murder suspect, was obsessed with safety. It reminded me of Austin and his hyper-obsession with safety.

Me: You should be watching this show. This guy is obsessed with safety and got away with killing his first wife. You could get some tips. Would a guy who’s obsessed with safety let his wife crawl under a car to get lug nuts.

Austin: Of course he’d let his wife crawl under a car. He’s obsessed with safety. His own safety.

Snow Days

 We have 6-8 inches of snow on the ground and are in a level three snow emergency in our area.

Full of ^&@^

 So, it’s first thing in the morning, Sunday morning. My first thing in the morning thing is to go to the bathroom. Well, as I’m using the potty, I hear my husband puttering around the kitchen. I finish up and come out, embrace him.

Me: What are you doing up so early?

Austin: I’m just up. It’s not so shocking.

Me: Yeah, it is. You never get out of bed this early.

Austin: I was out of bed this early yesterday.

Me: Yeah, but you were meeting X. You never get out of bed this early without a reason.

Austin, tightening our embrace: You’re my reason.

Me: You’re full of shit. And I’m not, because I just finished using the facilities.

Austin: You better check again.

Thank You For Thinking of Me

 Austin went out with friends and left me alone all day to enjoy myself. When he came home, he brought me a plain cheeseburger from McDonalds.

Austin: I know you don’t usually like McDonalds, but there was a 2 for $6, so I thought I’d bring you one.

Me: Thank you for thinking of me.

Austin: I think of you a lot. Of ways to murder you, ways to torture you…