Sweet Mom

Austin: Do you want to go for a walk? I think it’s going to rain soon.
Me: That’s why I drove Mom home. She was afraid she was going to melt.
Austin: Well, your mom is pretty sweet. She’s made of pure sugar.
Me: I haven’t heard that much *&#^ for a long time. Which just means you’re slacking off.

Tiramisu

Me: The tiramisu left in the fridge is all yours.
Austin: That’s a lot in there.
Then he noticed a heaping piece in my bowl.
Me: I didn’t mean to take that much.
Austin: Can I have a bite?
So I bit him.

Green Onions

Austin is growing his green onion bits into more green onions.
Austin: Aren’t they wonderful?
Picture me not caring.
Austin: They’re amazing.
Still not caring.
Austin: Come here and look!
Complying for simplicity.
Austin: You have to be able to see that. They’re longer. The wimpy ones have become straight. They’re not limp and floppy anymore. They stand tall and proud.
Me: Kind of like you.
Austin: I’m still pretty floppy.

Hey Google!

Me: Hey Google, set a second timer called sweet potato for 50 minutes.
Google: I have set a timer called sweet potato for one second.
Timer goes off.
Me: Hey Google, set a second timer for a sweet potato for 50 minutes.
Google: I have set a second timer for one week, four days, three hours and 50 minutes.
Austin, cracking up.
Me: Hey Google, cancel the timer called sweet potato.
I snatched the digital timer off the fridge and set it. Google isn’t going to control my life.
Austin: Hey Google, please set a timer called sweet potato for 50 minutes.
Google: I have set a second time called sweet potato for 50 minutes.
I must have been the shade of a beet.
Austin: It’s because you didn’t say please.

Have I Told You

Me: Have I told you today that I love you?
Austin: Yes.
Me: Good. I’m glad I got that out of the way. Later in the day, I tend to change my mind.

Straight Face

Austin stopped the TV abruptly, turned to me, a huge grin on his face.
Austin: I love you.
Me: I have trouble saying it with a straight face too.

Mr. Bright Side

I refinished a desk for Mom. I was getting ready to take it to her.
Me, hugging Austin: Have I told you I love you enough today?
Austin: No.
Me: Oh no! What if I get in an accident on the way to Mom’s and die? Then I’ll never be able to tell you I love you enough. I won’t be able to live with myself.
Austin: You won’t have to. You’ll be dead.
Me: Thank you, Mr. Bright Side.