Bumblebee: The Sequel

Austin: There was another bumblebee in the house. At first I didn't think it was alive, but then it started buzzing around.

Me, audible sigh

Austin: So I got a cup and some paper and put it outside.

Me: I've taught you well.

Godiva

I took Godiva to work and had plenty of leftovers and watched over the bag of truffles like a hawk.

Me: Is it odd that I was more concerned someone would steal my chocolate than my purse?

Austin: Not for you.

Bumblebee

Austin: There's a bee in the house. It's a big one! I think it's a bumblebee.
Me: Just a minute.
I get a glass and a bit of paper to catch it. Not too hard to catch. Austin held the door for me while I let it out.
Austin: Thank you. I love you. You're my hero.

Transvestite Secondhand Clothing

There's a cross-dresser at work. He's nice enough and wears pretty skirts, which I frequently compliment him on.

Me: X was telling me that he was a clothes horse and every few months he has to get rid of his clothes and buy all new ones.

Austin: Uh-huh.

Me: Is it weird that I'm more concerned about buying secondhand skirts that may have been worn by a transvestite than I am about men using the ladies room?

Austin: He doesn't donate them. He probably throws them out.

Me: You know this is going to keep me up at night now.

Into the Badlands

Watching “Into the Badlands” with Austin. The character is trying to barter passage out of the badlands. The baron says yes, but he has to turn over a kid. He shows him a wanted picture of-oh no!-the kid the guy befriended. Episode ends on the cliffhanger.
Me: What will we do? How will we go on?
Austin: It’s easy. You push this button on the controller to go to the next episode.

Words

I was being silly. If you need further elaboration, you haven't been reading this blog long enough.
Austin: I don’t even have words for you.
Me: Yeah you do. You’re afraid to use them.

Time

Me, while playing on my iPad: What time is it?
Austin: Your iPad has the time.
Me: I don’t want to get out of this app.
Austin: 7:19.
Me: Thank you.
Austin: You could have hit the home button and gotten that.
I flipped him off.
Austin: See, with the same effort, the same finger, you could have found that out.
I flipped him off again.

Gift Card

Austin: I can send in my old iPad and get a $50 gift card.
Me: A gift card to where?
Austin: Apple.
Me: For what?
Austin: Apple stuff.
Me: We just bought everything we need from Apple. Will it work on iTunes?
Austin: You don’t need to worry about that. It’s my gift card.

Siri

Austin: You got yourself all set up now?
Me: I’m downloading apps now.
Austin: I didn’t hear you setting up Siri.
Me: I don’t want that #&$* on my stuff.

iPads

Austin and I bought new iPads today.

Austin: Wow, all I had to do was hold my phone near my iPad and it set up automatically.

Me: How does that help me?

Austin: It doesn't. [Uncontrollable laughter]

Food

Austin: When we go grocery shopping tomorrow, do you want to get food?
Me: That's the point of grocery shopping.

Grilled Cheese

Austin: I really feel like a grilled cheese, with American cheese.
Me: Sugar and Spice. You should have picked some up when you stopped by today.
Austin: I know. That's what gave me the idea. I didn't want to go back after already stopping.
Me: Well, I'm working 8:00-4:30 all next week, so I won't be able to stop. You'll have to stop after work.
Austin: Or we can just buy American cheese tomorrow when we go grocery shopping.
Me: Sugar & Spice is closed on Sundays. American cheese in grocery stores is individually wrapped. It makes it look like you're getting more than you are. It's wasteful.
Austin: I'm sure the price isn't that different and it's not that much waste. I want individual slices.
Me: Sugar and Spice will slice it. And there won't be the waste of the plastic wrapping each slice.
Austin: It's only a little plastic.
Me: That's right. Don't concern yourself with adding litter to the planet or upsetting your wife over our carbon footprint.
Austin: I don't.

Grocery Shopping

Me: Mom and I are planning to go to the grocery store tomorrow.

Austin: I might like to come.

Me: We're going in the morning.

Austin: I get up in the morning. I get up at 3:00 a.m.

Me, a look.

Austin: Okay, you're right. It's more like I drag myself out of bed.

Mother-in-Law

Austin: I lost all our money gambling.

Me: You better not have laid a hand on my money.

Austin: I lost all of my money gambling.

Me: Okay.

Austin: When I ran out of money, I gambled your mom. The good news, I won. We're stuck with your mother.

Me: Uh-huh.

Austin: The bad news, the guy I was playing is shipping his mother-in-law to us. We should have her by Friday.

Bandages

Austin: Can you help me find the regular sized band-aids? I looked in the tin and they weren't there.

So I got up, went to the bathroom and pulled them off of Austin's bathroom shelf and handed them to him.

Austin: Oh.

Me: Are you okay?

Austin: No. My uterus fell out. I might need three or four of these.

Return of the Floral Socks

Me: I'm so glad I got to spend this weekend with you. I'm so glad I get to spend this life with you.

Austin, preparing for work, pulls out the floral socks: I'm going to wear these socks. Still glad?

Me: No.

Austin: You're sexist.

Me: I know.

Austin: Women can wear whatever they want, pants, skirts, dresses. Men wear floral socks and the world tumbles out of orbit.

Turn the Radio Up

I was driving home, but Austin kept reaching over and messing with the windshield wipers.
Me: I'm driving, so your hands stay on your side of the car.
Austin, turns up radio.
Me: That's right, tune me out.
Austin: I don't need the radio to do that.

See-through shirt

Remember, the see-through shirt? Austin wore it with me yesterday. In public . . .
Austin: This shirt isn't see-through. It just looks like it is. See, you can't see my nipples.
Me: I can't see your nipples when you're naked.
Austin: Well, you have a problem, because they're dark and circular.

Trash

Me: The trash needs taken out.
Austin: But I like staying in the house!

Austin's Shopping Trip Part Four

As I got ready to go back to bed (remember, he GOT ME OUT OF BED for this), Austin gave me a big hug.

Austin: Thanks for getting up and talking to me.

Me: Fodder for Facebook.

Austin's Shopping Trip Part Three

Then Austin holds up an aqua colored tee.

Me: I hope you're not going to wear that in public.

Austin: It's for around the house.

Me: It's see-through.

Austin: Now that you've said that, I'm going to wear it in public just when I'm with you.

Austin's Shopping Trip Part Two

Austin pulled out a dress shirt that actually looked a lot like a dress shirt he already owned.
Austin: And I got this pink shirt.
Me: It’s purple.
Austin: Lavender.
Me: Okay, I can go along with that.
Then he pulled out a pair of floral socks.
Austin: And these socks.
Me: Those are girl socks.
Austin, pointing at the tag: No, they’re not. Says right here, fits men’s shoe size 10-13.
Me: That’s why they’re at a discount clothing store. No sane man would wear those.
Austin, holding up the lavender shirt: They match the shirt perfectly.

Austin's Shopping Trip Part One

Austin when shopping last night with some friends and brought home a big bag of clothing. It was rather late when he got home, but he was excited and got me out of bed to show me his purchases.

Read that again.

HE. GOT. ME. OUT. OF. BED.

Austin, pulling out one of the shirts: I got this bright yellow shirt.

Me: It's not bright. It's mustard.

Austin: You're splitting hairs, woman.

Me: It's a bold yellow. Not bright.

Austin: Marigold.

Sweater Weather

Austin had a sweater set out for work.
Me: You weren't seriously planning to wear a sweater to work today?
Austin: I did wear that sweater today.
Me: But it's too hot for a sweater.
Austin: Shut up, woman. You can't tell me what to wear.
Me: I know. I've tried.

More Getting Dressed

Austin: What are you up to?
Me: I know I have to get dressed at some point today--
Austin: Yeah, I know. I'm not looking forward to it.

Cold in July

Austin has a room air conditioner and in times, like July, we'll camp out in his room. So even though it's humid and hot in July . . .

 Me, wrapped in a blanket: My tooties are cold.

Austin, playing with my boobs: Your titties? These?

Me, kicking him, indicating my feet: My tooties.

Get Dressed

Austin: I'm going to get dressed so we can go.

Me: I'm going to get naked so I can embarrass you in public.

Austin: You already so that.

Me: Not as well as you do.

Meme

I showed this meme to Austin.

Austin: That's right.

Grocery Shopping

Via Text . . . If you didn't know we were grocery shopping . . .

Me: Where r u
Austin: I'm in wine now

Cat Wall Hanging

Austin: Are you really taking a picture of that?
Me: Yes.
Austin: Why?
Me: Remember I read that article? If I take a picture, I won’t feel bad about putting it in the yard sale.
Austin: Oh. I thought you were going to post it on Facebook and tell everybody how I’m making you get rid of all your cat stuff.
Me: You know me well.

De-bater

Austin and I were watching ST:NG, Most Toys. Data says to Kivas Fajo, "You are a fine debater, sir."

Austin: He's a fine debater. That would make him a Master Bater.

I live with him. I'm used to this kind of thing.

Austin: Oh wait, no. De-bater. He'd be a Master De-bater. Now I feel foolish.

Me: Only just now?