Eraser

Me, showing off a purchase I’d made several years ago: I forgot about this. Ain’t it cute?
Austin: Waste of money.
Me: Nineteen cents.
Austin: And space.
Me: I’ve had the solution all along. I’ve been begging people to take you off my hands for years and here I could have gotten rid of you ages ago. [Rubbing it at him] Erase you.

Later:

I was making quinoa and had timer set on the microwave. Austin came in, decided to make an organic quinoa bowl frozen dinner, reset the microwave and put the bowl in the microwave. I snatched up the eraser and scrubbed it over him.