Obituary

The older my mom gets, the more obsessed with dying she is. And the more critical of obituaries she is...

Mom: When I die, don’t put any lies in my obituary, like “she was surrounded by her loving family.”
Me: We probably won’t have any part of your obituary. We’ll probably be in jail, under suspicion of murder.
Austin: We’ll be singing, “Ding dong, the witch is dead.”