Vasectomy Again

So we were talking about Austin getting a vasectomy again. I don't personally issue illness recovery time, job accommodations, leaves of absence or even deal with the paperwork. I just note them if someone else approves them, so Austin was talking about getting an IRT for the surgery. (Nothing's scheduled, we're talking again.)

Me: You'd only be out for a week. Max. They're very non-invasive.

Austin: You'd be plucking the cherries from my nether regions, snatching my low-hanging apples.

Me: Most doctors perform the surgery in under half an hour in their offices. You get a local anesthetic. You're awake for the procedure.

Austin: They'd have to hold me down. And I'd be out for more than a week. I have an extraordinarily large scrotum.

Me: I'll testify that it's not.

Austin: When they cut off my testicles, I'm going to have them put them in a bag to I can carry them around in my hand.

Me: I already have your balls in my hand.

Austin: I'll keep the bag on the shelf next to my dad's ashes. So my balls and my ass will be next to each other.

I shake my head.

Austin: If my dad were alive, he'd have liked that joke.