Teeth

When Austin ticks me off, I threaten him with petty violence. I used to threaten to Nair the dog, but now Cricket's passed . . . So I started threatening the safety of his teeth.
Austin: They came with a life time guarantee.
Well, fine. Besides, most of the time when I threaten Austin's teeth, he's wearing them.
So I decided I'd hide them one day when he was sleeping and had the day off. I didn't even hide them that well. Then I went to work.
I went about my business, did my job, went home. I completely forgot about them. When I came in, Austin floated into the kitchen like a wraith.
Austin: I can't find my teeth. I looked everywhere.
I almost felt bad. Almost.
Me: You didn't look very hard.
I opened the cupboard, pulled them out. They were in the front, visible as soon as you open the door.
Austin: Yes, I did. I looked everywhere. I thought the dog got them and ate them.
Me: They were in the soaking dish.
Austin: I know. I thought she'd knocked the dish down. I scoured the basement for it. I looked through her poop to see if I could find bits of my teeth in it.
So I went over to hug him.
Austin, pushing me away: I don't want to hug you. You hid my teeth.