Mattresses

On weekends I have to get up at 4:00 am to get to work on time. So I go to bed early. As I announce I'm going to bed, Austin stops me to thank me for grilling the steaks.
Me: Thanks for buying them.
Austin: I'm going to X tomorrow, if you get off early again and want to come.
Me: I don't know if I'll get off early again.
Me, sidling toward the door.
Austin: I need to visit Y and Z, but I probably won't do that tomorrow. I hate making a special trip and they're going to have company . . . Did I tell you that they got a new mattress? When Y would sling herself into bed, Z would literally fall out of bed onto the floor. They got this special mattress, there's been commercials, where people are jumping on the bed and there's a wine glass right next to them and it doesn't fall. You've seen those commercials. Well it's really true. I tried it and it's kind of like memory foam, really great. They love it. And they're very affordable. If I start making more money, I'm gonna start replacing my mattress every ten years. That's what they recommend, replacing every ten years.
Me: My mattress is about ten years old. I replaced it shortly before we started dating.
Austin: I've never replaced my mattress. It belonged to my grandparents. My mother didn't want to give it to me because she thought I'd ruin it and I have, but that's what furniture is for, to sit on and sleep in. Back when my grandparents bought their mattress, they didn't recommend how frequently you should replace it. Who knows how long they had it. I've had it over ten years. I think once I get a little more money, I'm gonna buy a new mattress.
Pause.
Austin: But you've got to get up early and you probably want to get to bed.
Me: I wanted to go to bed ten minutes ago, but you wanted to tell me all this crap about mattresses.