Dr. Oz Bacon

Austin watched an episode of Dr. Oz today and is now convinced that we can make our very own low cal bacon with mushrooms and a few spices. Even though Austin & I neither one likes mushrooms. Austin starts telling me all the ways he's tried mushrooms and how every time, he still tastes the mushrooms.
Me: Well, I don't mind the dry ones. Shitaki I think. They're woody, sort of like bark, but a nice flavor.
Austin: This implies that you've eaten bark and have compared the flavor palate. 

BTW, we tried the mushroom bacon. Our choices were it tasted slimy and mushroomy or like charcoal.